Comments on: Your Insecurites Are Not My Fault http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:23:05 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: djvj http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault/comment-page-1#comment-308 djvj Fri, 01 Aug 2008 10:29:48 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/28/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault#comment-308 wow, what a great blog.<br /> you've voiced my own opionion perfectly. <br /> after i relinquished my daughter 23 years ago, i spent 3 years doing panels for prospective adoptive parents to give them the birth/first parent perspective of the process. i would tell my story, and usually this involved a few tears and quite a bit emotion on my part. I can't tell you how many hundreds of couples have approached me after these talks, thanking me for "educating" them about the love and self sacrifice that is required on the part of the birthparent to secure their child a better environment then they themselves can provide. Many couples had tears in their eyes, and told me my story both eased their fears and opened their hearts to the other side of the adoption process.<br /> <br /> i truly believe that most adoptive parents want what is best for their new child, and for their family as well. the problem is that birthparents are still stigmatized as losers who abandon their children instead of parents who love their children so much they are willing to suffer the ultimate loss and grief that accompanies even the best of adoptions.<br /> <br /> i wish there was more i could do...it's really a matter of public education. we've all heard the horror stories about both sides of the adoptive triangle -- but there are so many more stories of love, respect, compassion, and beautiful relationships that occur as a result of open adoptions.<br /> <br /> i myself was 17 when i delivered, and at 40, not only do i have a BEAUTIFUL relationship with my wonderful, secure daughter, but i also have a surrogate set of parents in her parents...we are all bound together not only by love for her but by the deep bonds we have formed over the last 23 years.<br /> <br /> oh, how i wish this for every birth/adoptive family, and especially for their children... wow, what a great blog.
you’ve voiced my own opionion perfectly.
after i relinquished my daughter 23 years ago, i spent 3 years doing panels for prospective adoptive parents to give them the birth/first parent perspective of the process. i would tell my story, and usually this involved a few tears and quite a bit emotion on my part. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of couples have approached me after these talks, thanking me for “educating” them about the love and self sacrifice that is required on the part of the birthparent to secure their child a better environment then they themselves can provide. Many couples had tears in their eyes, and told me my story both eased their fears and opened their hearts to the other side of the adoption process.

i truly believe that most adoptive parents want what is best for their new child, and for their family as well. the problem is that birthparents are still stigmatized as losers who abandon their children instead of parents who love their children so much they are willing to suffer the ultimate loss and grief that accompanies even the best of adoptions.

i wish there was more i could do…it’s really a matter of public education. we’ve all heard the horror stories about both sides of the adoptive triangle — but there are so many more stories of love, respect, compassion, and beautiful relationships that occur as a result of open adoptions.

i myself was 17 when i delivered, and at 40, not only do i have a BEAUTIFUL relationship with my wonderful, secure daughter, but i also have a surrogate set of parents in her parents…we are all bound together not only by love for her but by the deep bonds we have formed over the last 23 years.

oh, how i wish this for every birth/adoptive family, and especially for their children…

]]> By: JudyK http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault/comment-page-1#comment-307 JudyK Wed, 28 May 2008 13:36:14 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/28/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault#comment-307 Not is, rather <strong> SHOULD BE</strong><br /> Not is, rather SHOULD BE

]]> By: JudyK http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault/comment-page-1#comment-306 JudyK Wed, 28 May 2008 13:33:19 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/28/your-insecurites-are-not-my-fault#comment-306 This, and so many other things, show time and time again just how desperately pre-adoption education is <strong>required</strong> for pre-adoptive parents. I felt that ours was lacking, once we got into parenting Nate and I did a lot of research on my own beforehand, but our agency didn't do much at all. People just shouldn't get into adoption unless they know <strong>everything</strong> that they're going to be faced with -- OH, and that <strong>everything</strong> needs to be, um, legal and ETHICAL and take the needs of the expectant mother/parents and especially child into consideration.<br /> <br /> GRRRR!!! This, and so many other things, show time and time again just how desperately pre-adoption education is required for pre-adoptive parents. I felt that ours was lacking, once we got into parenting Nate and I did a lot of research on my own beforehand, but our agency didn’t do much at all. People just shouldn’t get into adoption unless they know everything that they’re going to be faced with — OH, and that everything needs to be, um, legal and ETHICAL and take the needs of the expectant mother/parents and especially child into consideration.

GRRRR!!!

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