Why Write About Adoption?

June 18th, 2007

My purpose in writing is partially to uncover the other side of adoption, one less explored. Everyone is aware that there are some nightmare birth parents. For decades we heard mostly the negative scoop on birth parents, and I have no need to continue perpetuating those stereotypes.

Yet, when I make positive comments about birth parents, some need to remind me of the “other” ones. Once and for all, I know that they exist. If others need to rail about them in their blogs, they are entitled. However, to balance out the years of bad hype about birth parents, I offer insights into “other” birthparents.

We all know that there are nightmare birth parents. I want others to understand that there are also plenty of decent, “normal” and respectable people who happen to be birth parents. My birth parent expertise is not with those who are addicts, alcoholics or those who abuse or neglect their children.

My advocacy is not to defend and support birth parents whose children were removed from their homes because they mistreated them. As much as I believe in not separating babies and mothers at birth unless necessary, I never sanction leaving children in unsafe homes.

Nor do I support giving abusive or neglectful parents unreasonable numbers of chances to redeem themselves at the expense of children. I know little about that subject; it is not my focus. However, I never advocate that children should stay with birth parents at all costs. No one that I know does, and I think claims that anyone does are highly overexaggerated.

Nearly everyone probably agrees that some adoptees believe adoption has worked out well for them. I agree that many adoptees seem content with their adoptive status. However, I tend to focus more on adoptees who have not had good experiences with adoption. I do so not to shame or insult adoption or adoptive parents, but to improve adoption for children in the future.