Just a few days ago I talked about some signs that you might be experiencing that would make therapy a beneficial decision in your life. I know some people read it and thought, “But I’m strong! I can do this!” I know you thought those things because I once thought them as well.
In fact, I thought I was pretty darn awesome! I went through the normal stages of grief after the denial wore off. I then began to work on improving my life. As that began to happen, I thought, “Wow, look at this! All this stuff has fallen into place! I still miss my daughter but I’m going to be okay!”
And then one thing happened and my walls came tumbling down. Apparently I had slipped back into some denial.
All the same, once I began to face the second coming of my emotions, I had no idea how to proceed. I was overwhelmed with their size and their intensity. I didn’t know how to process anything on my own. And I shut down. I didn’t let anyone in for awhile. Until I finally had enough of the emotional isolation and sought out a therapist.
I’m going to be honest: I didn’t enjoy it at first. Who loves reliving their hardest moments, rehashing their deepest regrets? And then things began to change. I began to change. I learned things about myself, about the situation itself and the things I could do to make what I was living the most tolerable. I am now living at peace with what happened, with my part in it and with whatever is coming in the future.
And that’s why we need reform in adoption.
Why wasn’t I offered such intensive counseling from my agency? Why did they gloss over the grief and loss? Why were they only available prior to placement and not afterward when real issues arose? These questions (and others) prove the point that reforms are necessary regarding the way the industry treats birth parents. If expectant parents considering placement were given such thorough care, you wouldn’t need this post. You wouldn’t lose years of your life to trying to manage the emotions on your own. You wouldn’t get lost in a cycle of grief and loss and grieving and losing.
But the industry is flawed. As such, I’ll soon give you some pointers to look for your own therapist. It’s not easy but it’s do-able. I’m proof!