We can choose to look at any of the accomplishments that birth mothers make after they lose a child to adoption in several varied ways. I sometimes see studies and statistics that indicate that women who relinquish children to adoption are on welfare less, get more education, etc.

Frankly, I find drudging those up on agencies sites to encourage women to relinquish extremely annoying. You can choose to look at the accomplishments made after relinquishment in two ways.

Women who place children for adoption are often determined to do what is best for their children. Had those same women parented, they would have likely have still been able to find the courage and strength to succeed at life. Losing their children to adoption might have been a wake-up call to some, but if we succeeded in spite of losing our children we probably would have anyway had we parented.

Those same women that parented and remained on welfare, do not get much education, etc. probably would have been in the same boat whether they relinquished or parented. Many factors including personality and family history dictate how well people deal with life. For some with cards stacked against them from the start, they are facing tough odds to succeed.

Some birth mothers may want to credit their child's adoption with being responsible for the positive path that they took afterwards. However, I believe that in general, most of us who went on to succeed in life did so not because adoption was part of our lives, but in spite of it.

For me to acknowledge that adoption has been positive for me in any way is nearly impossible. There are too many negatives to come close to outweighing the negatives. Of course, some birth mothers may feel differently.

However, whatever degree of happiness and success that I have I attribute not to adoption. I worked hard and continue to strive to be happy and succeed, not because I did not parent my son, but in spite of it. That is the kind of person I am and had adoption not entered my life, I would only have been happier and more successful, not less.



Further Reading:

J.K. Rowlings' Other Cause Singles and Teens

In the News: In House Program for Single Mothers

Life After Relinquishment, Better or Worse?

Photo by Jan Baker