Comments on: When Words Hurt: No Birthmothers Allowed!

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 13:39:27 +0000

mamy; I don’t consider my child a gift to her adoptive parents. That analogy makes me want to throw up. Please don’t tell me how to feel. THIS is how I feel and I demand that others respect it. Your outlook, considering your experience, is rare and you should cherish it. I can be as mad, as angry, as guilty or as whatever as I want. That’s the beauty of feelings. They’re mine. Yours are yours. I would never tell you to stop feeling x or y way in regard to your son. DO NOT do the same to me.

Have a splendid day.

By: mamy1966

mamy1966 — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 06:30:53 +0000

STOP FEELING THIS WAY… I gave up a child, a beautiful son 21 years ago…i met him in october…felt like my world had come full circle…u did a beautiful thing…u gave a parent a beautiful gift…it took me 21 years to realize this…but after letting him into our world did i finally realize that…only after the hundreth time that he made me feel guilty and decide to make my life as i have come to know it fall into a downward spiral…beware before a reunion…get as much info as possible…my family has been ruined because of it…the way i felt last year about reunions and the way i feel now is completely different…i have a restraining order against him…he entered an incestuous relationship with my daughter and vows to kill his birthfather and me…please beware before entering any relationship with a birthchild..the hell that i have been thru is unreal…does anyone have a story like mine or am i really living the jerry springer show without cameras

By: The Moose

The Moose — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 06:12:34 +0000

Just for the record, I put my $0.02 in on the discussion area of that blog. Obviously I can’t write as a first parent. I write as a grateful adoptive father who appreciates the care and love Mia’s mom gave her as she developed. As I wrote in the discussion, it is the first parent that makes some of the most critical, protective, loving, and difficult formative decisions in the life of a child.

While there will always people who speak out of ignorance or with a lack of the correct wording, know that no such sign will ever be hung on anything I write. You are always welcome!!

By: lahdh4

lahdh4 — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 16:25:36 +0000

I can only say ouch.

By: Heather Lowe

Heather Lowe — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:59:07 +0000

I had the same reaction, reading that. What an ignorant statement.

So many people talk out of two sides of their mouth when it comes to adoption. They bounce between seeing placement as a "loving, responsible decision" (the only "right" decision) and "failing your child."

Which is it, people?

It's ridiculous. I get so tired of all this.

By: JudyK

JudyK — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:40:01 +0000

Ah jeez.

I went to the article. That comment -- what a flip, insensitive comment that does make someone who's a part of the adoption world just STOP! That's an unfortunate and hurtful generalization, and while you and I and other members of the adoption triad know that it's untrue, what is possibly most harmful about such published statements is that people who don't know better read these things and quite possibly believe them. This is one of my main problems with the mainstream media publishing such falsehoods.

I'm sorry that media aren't more responsible towards those of us involved in adoption, particularly firstmothers who tend to get labeled and scapegoated more than other members of the triad. It's not only unfortunate, but in my opinion, it's irresponsible journalism.

By: Jan Baker

Jan Baker — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:03:42 +0000

Jenna, that kind of comment is just why you and I are here – writing about who we are.

I am sorry that it hurt you – the author didn’t know any better – that’s what I always tell myself when people make cruel generalizations like that.