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We frequently blame the media for portraying adoption in a poor light. Sometimes, however, it’s not their sole fault. Occasionally, we are lucky enough to have an adoption professional spout off at from the mouth without thinking how words can affect others.
In this article, which discusses the current state of a county’s (Florida) foster care situations, an adoption attorney who didn’t want to be named brought us this beautiful gem which was only coupled by the “journalist’s” lack of understanding that open adoption doesn’t need quotations:
One professional in Palm Beach County, who asked that his name not be used because he doesn’t want to be criticized for not adopting locally, said he and his wife went to Central Europe to adopt their son for two reasons:
A biological mother who puts her child up for adoption now has more power to choose her child’s new family. Prospective parents can wait years until they are selected. And, due to an increase in “open adoptions,” a biological mother can remain actively involved in her child’s life.
“You have to keep them apprised every year. You have to report to them,” he says. “You kind of want the kid to be your kid and not a kid you’re taking care of for somebody else and reporting to them. That’s why we went abroad.”
I’d like to beat both the author of this article and this “adoption professional” in the head, over and over, with story upon story about families who don’t “have” to “apprise” anyone but choose to keep in contact with their childrens’ birth families. Neither J nor D are legally required to give me anything. Pennsylvania, the state through which I placed, does not have legally binding adoptions. They could walk away, at any moment, and close the door to this adoption. Yet they don’t. Why?
They’re not as closed-minded as this “adoption professional” and this lackadaisical “journalist.” They understand that I’m non-threatening. I pose no threat to their role as parents. They know that my continued involvement benefits the Munchkin. And you know what, they like me as a human being, as a friend.
Really, the rest of the article is interesting and poses a great resource on the eve-eve-eve of National Adoption Awareness Month. There are children waiting to be adopted. There are children who need to be adopted. Adoption should be about children, in general, whether we’re talking about waiting children, open adoption or international adoption. However, as long as professionals like those quoted above misuse their status in the public eye to further demean birthmothers and open adoption, we will continue to spin in our tracks as to the progress that needs to be made and could be made if people would just stop being ignorant as to the current state of adoption, birthmothers’ rights and openness as a benefit to the child.
” on the eve-eve-eve of National Adoption Awareness Month”
You are too funny sometimes, girl!!
Thanks for making me smile.
Pfft.
This is a professional who is to help other people and he and his wife go abroad for adoption? Really?
Oh said journalist read your post?? Oh girlie, do tell. Hehe
Although I understand why it would be distressing to hear an adoption professional speak this way about open adoption (if, indeed, he is an adoption professional), the fact is that not wanting to compete for parenthood in an open adoption (which is the way many people perceive the mother’s selection of her child’s prospective adopted parents)is one reason why people choose to adopt internationally.
In our situation we’d had 2 years of infertility treatments and 5 miscarriages. When we finally decided to adopt we chose international because it was ‘a sure thing.’ We knew that if we qualified in our homestudy and we went through all the paperwork there would be a child at the end of our journey…in a reasonable amount of time and with a relative amount of security. The degree of certainy comes and goes depending on the country, but for most international adoption is fairly cut and dry.
No, it doesn’t take the wishes of the birth parents into account…except for the fact that the children are in the orphanages or foster care because they were either already relinquished or they were removed from their parents’ custody for whatever reason. So in that sense, the first parents have already made their choices. Were they choices made because of dire circumstances? Probably. But if a child is placed in a Russian orphanage (to use an example I’m familiar with) and their birth parents (or any relative, for that matter) comes to visit or claims them in some way then they aren’t available.
Now that we’ve adopted our son I can see big benefits for choosing an open (domestic) adoption, and in fact, we are trying to open up his adoption as much as we can. But when you’ve waited and waited for a child and have had such ups and downs and uncertainty and trauma then international adoption is an option I think many people are pleased to be able to consider.
Yes, this guy’s comment probably wasn’t phrased the best way – but it’s a viewpoint that’s shared by many people who’ve chosen to go international.