My previous post about another adoption scammer prompted further thought into what these convicted, known scammers have done to the adoption world. While I don't think anyone will disagree that getting the word out that morally delinquent people are preying on waiting families can only serve to help protect ones' self, something else has been happening. It's not good either. On the forums, we've noticed another, much more subtle problem that has been caused by the problem with adoption scammers.

And it's akin to The Red Scare of communism. You think I'm kidding, don't you?

Basically, the worry of being scammed has risen so high that any time an expectant Mother uses a name, a state or a similar situation, red flags go flying, fingers go typing and another post is thrown onto the world wide web alleging that another scammer is in our midst. Sound familiar? Read up on the Hollywood blacklist during The Red Scare.

The Hollywood blacklist—more properly the entertainment industry blacklist, into which it expanded—was the mid-twentieth-century list of actors, directors, screenwriters, musicians, and other U.S. entertainment professionals who were denied employment in the field because of their political beliefs or associations, real or suspected.

(Italicized emphasis my own.)

Adoptive parents looking to match with an expectant Mother have every right to be freaked out by scammers, their stories and the reality that, sadly, they do exist. Even as a firstmother, I am continually shocked at how careless, heartless and cruel people can be with families who are seeking children. In a perfect world, scamming (of any kind!) wouldn't exist. (That includes the not-so-nice car salesman.) Yet, they do. So where is the balance between sharing information about known scammers and a blatant smear campaign of a woman's name and reputation? Do we label a woman a scammer because she changes her mind two weeks before the delivery of her child, thus deciding to parent? Was she taking advantage of a family and the system or simply exercising her right to decide as she sees best for her child?

The adoption forums removed their board that was solely dedicated to discussing scammers. Why? It had become a place to basically list names, states/locations and situations of women that were not proven to be anything more than suspicious, at best.

Frankly, the blame lies with those women (and men) who do run scams. They have so frightened everyone touched by adoption that we're having a hard time trusting anything that is said. While we acknowledge that the blame lies with the scammers, what could we be doing to protect women who are legitimately expecting a child and simply investigating her options regarding adoption? How do we not scare her away when she needs honest advice? How do we react when we find out that she is not, in fact, a scammer and we've smeared her name across the wide blue yonder?

Thanks to these scammers, it's time to protect yourselves, whether you're an expectant Mother considering placement or a waiting family. At this point, I, personally, would do no matching over the internet. I would even be wary of matching with someone in person. At this point in the game of life, while these scammers are hot on the news and thus vulnerable to copy-cat schemes, I would not allow myself, no matter my longing for a child or need for a family, to do any matching other than through my agency or my lawyer. For those looking to adopt independent of an agency, I would suggest strongly relying on your lawyer. Someone looked at your profile online and wants to get to know you? I'm sorry but get pregnancy verification through your lawyer before you even think about moving forward. That may sound harsh for all involved but we've got to find a way through this mess.

I'm not saying my way is the only way. Have you thought of a way to help get "rid" of this problem? Let us know. We need to consider so many things at this point.

It's sad. So many of the birthmoms that I know wouldn't ever think of trying to dupe a family. They went about things in a moral and ethical fashion. Yet we get lumped in with these moral weaklings who are just hungry for attention and a quick buck. Work at McDonald's if you need money that badly. You may look silly in the uniform but at least you'll get to keep your self-worth and pride.

And so will I.

I realize that some of the thoughts provided here may seem far-fetched or "different" from the norm. No offense was meant to anyone except those that run adoption scams. I don't care if they're offended. ;)