What About Birth Dads?

Whenever I write about birth fathers, I become keenly aware how little is written about them. Although birth mothers are in the spotlight a great deal these days, some might say too much, birth fathers are just beginning to speak up. They too feel a need to change some of the public perceptions about them.

Birthfathers, too, pay a price for staying in the shadows. …the birthfathers interviewed for her book “were incredibly sad to have lost their children.” They were also plagued by remorse.

One of the reasons I like to write about birth fathers is that I believe that adoptees can benefit from knowing them. I want to dispel some of the myths about birth fathers not caring about their children. Reading a story like A Broken Biological Father’s Story makes you aware that some birth fathers care deeply about their children. Birthfathers the Forgotten Half of the Story also provides some insights into birth fathers.

Rather than trying to understand people as individuals, it seems all too often that instead we tend to judge them for only one part of who they are. Birth fathers are easier to dismiss than to try to be objective and see them as individuals. Yesterday as I was wondering around the Internet looking for some resources, I found a website ad for a quick adoption method which stated the following:

MISSING BIOLOGICAL FATHER… NOT AN ISSUE

We can do an adoption even if the biological father is missing. He will simply default on the case.

How sad a commentary on the value of a child’s father is the statement above? Should it really be that easy to forge ahead with an adoption with no concern at all for the birth father? These days, I keep reading about putative father registries. However, I see little evidence that most men know about them or that even when they do it makes any difference.

My hope is that as more birth fathers speak out and announce to the world that they care about their children, we will stop trampling their rights, ignoring them or summarily dismissing as no value to their children. There is no “all birth fathers.” Birth fathers are not all alike.

For More Resources:

This questionnaire is suggested (with tongue in cheek, I think) for women considering a relationship with a man. Maybe men need a similar one as well to protect their rights?

Photo courtesy of Stock.XCHNG

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