Now it's time to jump into adoption confessions on True Mom Confessions (TMC) written by people who are touched by adoption. Today I'm going to look at ones that were written by adoptive Moms. The confessions by adoptive Moms have run the gamut on TMC. Just like birth mothers, adoptive Moms come in all shapes and sizes with different experiences, beliefs and opinions.

One of my favorite confessions was this one in which a Mom speaks up about adoption, infertility and uses her small confessional space to do a little bit of educating.

Adoption is not a cure for infertility. Neither is relaxing, praying or just not thinking about it. And fertility drugs do not promise you will get pregnant nor do they promise that you'll have multiple children. Or that you'll be able to carry a baby to full term or at all. The scars of infertility last a lifetime. I wish more people would talk about this so the one's going through it don't feel so alone.

I wish more people would talk about it, too. I think talking about such things is beneficial not only for those who have adopted or are considering adoption but for birth parents, adoptees, those who work in the adoption industry and the general public. Without people willing to discuss topics like these, the rest of the world isn't going to learn. While it would be great if everyone took time to research every topic that affected every person, there simply isn't time. So without people bringing a face and voice to topics such as this, no one is even going to know how to research such things or where to start. I applaud this Mom for confessing such a thing but, really, I hope she has taken to some other public venue to get the word out. Whether its via forums, blogs or talking with her friends, she has a story to tell and I hope she is telling it.

Others Moms have taken their confessional space to tell the general public to kindly remove their heads from their bums. Oh, that's right! Birth parents aren't the only ones who receive unkind comments from people when talking about adoption. Adoptive parents are not immune! This particular confession had me nodding my head.

I am a mother to two adopted girls. I wish parents of biological children knew how awesome adoption is, and not look at me with pity! My girls are not second best because they did not come from my womb. They are a different race than I am, yet I often forget they are adopted....they are simply a part of my heart. I feel like yelling at some of these people, "Yes, you CAN love an adopted child just as much as you can a biological child!!!"

I hope some people read that confession and learned something. I've watched my adoptive Mom friends received pity-laden looks when they've shared their story. I've heard the ignorant questions and statements that have been thrown in their direction. And it's true: adoptive Moms love their children the same as everyone else. Those that are the exception to the rule are the exception to the rule, just like biological parents who don't love their children are the exception to the rule.

Some confessions speak to the overwhelmed, frustration that other mothers talk about... but mention the subject of adoption. This particular one made me wonder what others thought when they read it.

I'm beginning to give serious thought to postponing our second adoption indefinitely.

How am I supposed to do all of this paperwork (including writing my freaking AUTOBIOGRAPHY) while raising the toddler we already adopted?

I'm wondering if some read this and thought, "Oh, honey, if you can't handle papwerwork and a toddler, you'll never be able to handle another baby and a toddler." Because, to a point, it's true. Two children is so much work. SO MUCH! And you don't know how much work it is until you make that move from one to two. You just don't have any way of knowing. But at the same time, I hope this particular Mom was able to get past that frustrating moment and move forward with her paperwork. Because here's what I've learned: if you wait until the perfect time to have/add children to your family, you'll never do it. You just won't. You will always be busy. You will always have stuff to do. Something will always happen. And if you don't just bite the bullet and get things done, it's not going to happen. And so, I hope this Mom was able to get past that moment and write that biography that expectant mothers so desperately read through for clues about a family's life and move forward in her journey.

And, like confessions from all types of Moms, some confessions break my heart. Not for the Mother but for the child(ren).

I could never tell anyone this, but if it had happened that we had been matched with a girl for our first adoption, I would have stopped at one. I don't like having a boy and I feel guilty for understanding his sister better than him. He just annoys the [expletive] out of me with his "boy-ness." Of course, I'm not sure I would have known how annoying I find boys if I hadn't adopted my son first so the whole point is moot. I feel guilty as hell that I just don't like my son most of the time. It makes my gut burn just thinking about it, but there it is.

Oh, that poor, poor little boy. I know that this is not unique to adoption, of course. There are mothers who have given birth to a boy or a girl and just think, "What the heck do I do with this child?" But, ugh, in my opinion, the whole adoption just adds another layer of sadness to the issue. Granted, she didn't know ahead of time that she didn't "like" boys but I just can't help thinking about how much better off that child would be in a different family or, you know, with his birth family. My birth mother's heart breaks thinking about how I would feel if my child's Mom said this about my child (who is a girl, so I have to flip it around). I would feel doubly bad. I already have enough guilt that I didn't believe I was in a position to parent when my daughter was born but to know that I had placed her in a family in which her awesomeness was not fully recognized? Oh, the guilt would never end.

And to end on a good note, because that's the kind of woman I am, I bring you one that makes me smile.

I am so grateful to be a mother.

After years of miscarriages, surgeries and the struggle with adoption, I am a mother.

After all of the hoping, praying and raging, I am a mother.

Every day, for the rest of my life, I am a mother.

I am so grateful.

It is encouraging to see that some people are just simply grateful. I know that I am!

Tomorrow: adoptee and birth sibling confessions!




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