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While some birth parents end up marrying one another, others part on less than amicable terms. Even those who have manage to have a civilized phone conversation on their shared child’s birthday may be shocked if they run into their child’s other biological parent in an unexpected place. Shopping for groceries. Church. A city where neither of you live and both happen to be visiting. The list goes on.
It happens. Paths cross. What can you do to prepare for such a chance meeting? And are there places which you should be more prepared than others?
1. Don’t freak out! Easier said than done, right? Okay. Maybe you’re allowed to freak out internally but wear your best poker face. Do not burst into fits of tears. Do not throw the nearest chair or your shoe at the other biological parent’s head. To be honest, you don’t have to smile if you don’t want to but I’ve found that smiles go a long way to making uncomfortable conversations pass quicker.
2. Be polite. Even if you want to say something really nasty, I implore you to say it only in your head, not aloud. Saying something mean is only going to prolong the exchange. Being polite is the answer to a quicker unexpected meeting.
3. Simply smile and keep walking. You don’t have to enter into a conversation if you don’t feel emotionally prepared to do so. Sure, the other party is going to think that you are snubbing them but sometimes you need to look out for your mental well-being.
4. Remember that you can say no. If the other biological parent wants to talk longer than you have time to do or something else that you’re currently unprepared for, remember that you have the ability to say no. Exercise it.
5. Call your therapist! I know. It’s my answer for everything. But if the unexpected meeting leaves you reeling in the days post-sighting, please call your therapist to talk through those emotions. Seeing the other biological parent in an unexpected setting, especially if a length of time has passed, may bring up a host of emotions.
Basically, meeting your child’s other biological parent in an unexpected place will affect every birth parent in a different way. How you deal with it will vary as well. My last piece of advice would be to try to deal with it in the most positive way possible but not to berate yourself if it is a totally negative experience.
Perhaps those birth parents who have experienced something like this before can leave a comment with their experience and some real-life tips.
My ex and I didn’t part amicably. We stayed together for about two years after the birth of our son and I finally said enough is enough, of course that was for TONS of reasons, not all adoption related. I haven’t seen him physically since the day I moved out, but I have had about ten million phone conversations with him because he hacked my email and got my phone number.
I eventually just got to the point that I would say, I don’t have time to talk now, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t call me again. It finally ended after I called his mother and father and asked them to ask him to leave me alone. I know, pretty sad, but that was what my therapist suggested.
Sometimes there just isn’t a good answer, but self preservation is the most important thing. At this point, I can talk to his parents, but I can’t to him, for alot of reasons. If I saw him, I would keep walking, I don’t care if it does hurt his feelings, mine are more important to me.
I don’t know how to post a blog, Can you or any assist me in a letter as such points in letter for step parent adoption
Do whats in best interest of child
Daughter has asked for my last name
I am family oriented and provider to her
The sentiment of her calling me daddy
I have honest intentions
I pay her insurance, medical, dental, and vision
I am interesting in adopting
My family has invested interest and mutual likewise
No child support next 9+ years remaining
No arrearage,suspended license due to child support or warrant issued leading to incarceration
Debt removed from credit report
Emotions have interfered with judgment
I will pursue through courts and attorney to adopt or press issue of support order
Haven’t shown the ability or willingness to pay (deadbeat)
No consistency in her life in entire 9 years
Can you please help me word this in a letter to send to biological father of step daugh