Titles in First Families: Siblings

Another titling issue comes up when either adoptive or first families add more children into the mix. As with any other kind of blended family, sometimes it can be confusing when deciding which title best works for your family and for the specific and unique situation at hand. At the very least, even if it’s not confusing for the immediately involved family members, those outside of the family unit may balk at the chosen titles. So what’s the right route to take?

So many different scenarios exist under this titling topic. You have cases when the biological mother and father have another child (or more) together, thus creating a full-blood birth-sibling to the placed child. Then you have other scenarios in which a birth mother or first father has a child with another partner, thus creating a half-birth-sibling. Even more confusing is when a birth mother or first father marries someone who already has children, making them a step-parent and thus creating step-birth-siblings? Say what? The list of possibilities goes on and just continues to get more and more confusing.

The easy answer, of course, is to simply use the titles of “brother” and “sister.” Even other blended families often dump the use of “step” as a determiner when talking about or two a step-sibling unless they need to clarify the relationship. (The Munchkin simply refers to Nicholas as “brother.” In all, she has five with another on the way!) As children are usually more accepting of variations in family, they might not have an issue with knowing that a brother or sister is being raised in another home and referring to them with such titles.

Creative naming also falls under this topic, much like titling grandparents. The use of other languages or child-designated nicknames may be appropriate for your family. I’ve heard of one family who uses the state that the sibling is from and thus says, “This is my Ohio Brother, Nicholas.”

One further bit of confusion comes when the adoptive family adds another child to their own immediate family. (Not that this is a bad thing!) When a sibling also exists on the birth family’s side, children can get confused as to why their biological sibling is referred to as sister but the placed child’s sibling (who that child would call brother or sister) is not called a sibling to him/her. I’ve known a few families who just decided to use the brother and sister titles while others ignore titles all together, just using first names. Creative titles and nicknames could also be of a benefit in this kind of scenario!

The relationship that can exist between siblings separated by adoption can be beautiful. Following the cues of all of the children involved will help parents know which route to take. Reassuring your children that siblings can be raised in separate homes is a good way to combat any possible confusion. As always, finding what fits your family in the best possible manner will garner the best results!

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For more, read:

1. Titles in First Families: Husbands and Wives.

2. Titles in First Families: Grandparents.

3. I’m Not “Your” Birth Mother.

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