"Many shy away from domestic adoptions because adoptive parents have few rights during the adoption process."

An adoptive mom who adopted via an international adoption recently made this comment and I have been pondering it ever since.I wonder how many adoptive parents really do feel this way. I would hope that her comments is not the norm. However, her comment is perplexing to me as I believe that it most likely would be for most birth parents.

From my birth mother's view, adoptive parents have ALL the power. Maybe she means while the adoption is still underway? Think that could be what part of the adoption process she refers to? Maybe I should just ask her? I believe that I will, because I am puzzled.

What "rights" does she believe are lacking for adoptive parents during the adoption process? A right to be in the delivery room as the baby is born? The right to decide when they can begin parenting the baby after it is born? The "right" to get a baby even if its mother changes her mind and decides to parent? Could she be thinking of a right to get her money back if she has paid expenses for a pregnant women? What "rights" can I be missing that an adoptive parent should have during the adoption process?

Everyone who is involved in an adoption should be treated fairly, honestly and with respect. I will agree that is the case. Adoptive parents deserve to receive thorough and complete information from an adoption agency. They can avoid the potential hazards of a mother changing her mind if they adopt a baby or child already legally adoptable. If they choose to take a riskier route and enter into a pre-birth matching agreement, an agency should inform them about the real possibility that a mother could change her mind. Any agency that does not acknowledge that mothers change their mind might be fairly certain that it will not happen because they strong arm women who try to change their minds.

A baby "belongs" to the mother who gave birth to it until her legal rights have been severed. She has a "right" to make all decisions about her baby as long as she has not relinquished her parental rights or had those rights taken away from her. A mother has the right to make a birth and hospital plan. No one else gets to decide who is in the delivery room or has contact with the baby.

A mother considering adoption also has the right to change her mind and take her baby home and parent her child. If she is uncertain, she can also spend some time at home with her baby before deciding. Until a mother's legal rights are terminated, voluntarily or otherwise, she does have the right to make nearly all decisions about her baby.

Adoptive parents really do not have many rights during the adoption process. However, what rights should they have? Why would they have any rights to another woman's baby? Are they entitled to rights because a mother promised that she could have their baby? I could be missing something here. It is true, adoptive parents have few rights during the adoption process. After the ink is dry, it is a whole other story. But honestly,what rights should they have during the adoption process?

Additional resources:

International Adoption

Qualifications for Prospective Adoptive Parents.





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