Comments on: Adoptee Wisdom http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-723 A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:02:45 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Jan Baker http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-723/comment-page-1#comment-961 Jan Baker Wed, 02 May 2007 06:23:54 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/01/title-723#comment-961 Thanks for the comments, Faith and Nancy. Deb is right, as critical as facing the grief and loss are, we all hope that it does not consume us or our children. Balance - the magic key to life. Thanks for the comments, Faith and Nancy. Deb is right, as critical as facing the grief and loss are, we all hope that it does not consume us or our children. Balance – the magic key to life.

]]> By: Nancy Spoolstra http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-723/comment-page-1#comment-960 Nancy Spoolstra Wed, 02 May 2007 05:24:12 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/01/title-723#comment-960 I agree that facing grief and loss head on is critical. I just blogged tonight about another aspect of this. I agree that facing grief and loss head on is critical. I just blogged tonight about another aspect of this.

]]> By: Deb Donatti http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-723/comment-page-1#comment-959 Deb Donatti Tue, 01 May 2007 19:37:39 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/01/title-723#comment-959 Facing our losses is important, I think though it can become far to easy to allow them to overcome us. We have to be really careful to keep the main focus for our children the life that they are living everyday and fill it with the positives and the joy that they do have around them. Making their life fulfilling in that way will give them the maturity and ability to pull the grief out once and awhile to revisit it when they need to, and to place it aside and continue living when they are done. It will always be a part of who they are, but not the sum total.<br /> Facing our losses is important, I think though it can become far to easy to allow them to overcome us. We have to be really careful to keep the main focus for our children the life that they are living everyday and fill it with the positives and the joy that they do have around them. Making their life fulfilling in that way will give them the maturity and ability to pull the grief out once and awhile to revisit it when they need to, and to place it aside and continue living when they are done. It will always be a part of who they are, but not the sum total.

]]> By: Faith Allen http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/title-723/comment-page-1#comment-958 Faith Allen Tue, 01 May 2007 13:29:58 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/01/title-723#comment-958 Social worker Annette Baran, a nationally-recognized adoption expert, says, "Adoptive parents must weep with their child--'We're sorry, too, that you didn't grow in Mommy's tummy.'"<br /> <br /> ++++++++++<br /> <br /> I fully agree with this. It is only through facing and grieving our losses that we find healing. I cannot imagine telling my son that he has no right to feel loss (or whatever he feels -- there are no "shoulds" when it comes to how we feel). He feels what he feels -- it is how he processes his feelings that matters.<br /> <br /> - Faith Social worker Annette Baran, a nationally-recognized adoption expert, says, “Adoptive parents must weep with their child–’We’re sorry, too, that you didn’t grow in Mommy’s tummy.’”

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I fully agree with this. It is only through facing and grieving our losses that we find healing. I cannot imagine telling my son that he has no right to feel loss (or whatever he feels — there are no “shoulds” when it comes to how we feel). He feels what he feels — it is how he processes his feelings that matters.

- Faith

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