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Discussions on the importance of using the right words in adoption are plentiful. Many of us believe that it is important sometimes to use the proper words because words can be powerful weapons or useful allies. The term “crisis pregnancy” has a somewhat ominous tone. Crisis Pregnancy Centers are abundant in the US mainly due to pro-life forces that believe that it necessary to prevent abortions.
Does using the term “crisis pregnancy” fit for all women who experience unplanned pregnancies? Crisis in my mind has a somewhat negative connotation, and I wonder if unintended or unplanned pregnancies might be better terminology. Does calling a pregnancy a crisis affect how a pregnant women views her condition? My all time favorite is “surprise pregnancy” because this term has even less negative vibes associated with it.
Pregnancy is a natural consequence of sex for many young women in their fertile years. Yet, when a young woman gets pregnant without meaning to, many of us approach the pregnancy like it is a huge shock. Are we so convinced that birth control never fails? Do we not realize the desire to have sex is a strong and normal act?
Is the desire to parent infinitely strong for many people? Can having a baby be one of the most joyous events in a lifetime? Why then is having a baby transformed into a crisis if it happens when we may not expect it? The fact is, as human beings, we cannot always decide when the time is right. There is a power higher than us that decides when and if a pregnancy occurs – call it God, nature or the universe.
“Crisis” implies something negative, but having a baby is a miraculous event. Why must we view a pregnancy a crisis because it was not planned? Are abortion and adoption such swell solutions that we must automatically push them if a pregnancy is unplanned? Parenting is not an easy task, but are abortion and adoption easy? Probably for some few people, maybe they are. For the majority of women, neither of those solutions is without some consequences.
I wonder if society’s attitudes in general about unplanned pregnancies do not lead many women to choose parenting as the last choice. Is our society so materialistic that we encourage a woman not to parent unless she has college funds ready for her baby at birth? A “surpise” pregnancy should not be considered a “crisis”, but a happy event to prepare for and deal with in the best possible way. The birth of a baby should be a joyous event, whether it is planned or not.
Nine months is enough time to do lots of preparation for a baby’s birth. Postponing motherhood, whether by placing a child for adoption, or waiting till a biological clock has run is a risky proposition. Yet we routinely tell women that they can have their “own” child when they are ready? Life doesn’t work that way. Instead of attempting to micro-manage nature, I think we should encourage pregnant women to parent their children, not force them, but provide them resources and encouragement.
You know Jan, I was just thinking about this topic this weekend. My best friend just told me that she’s unexpectedly pregnant, but after letting the reality sink in, she and her boyfriend are excited. I ended up in a Hallmark store for a random reason, and thought about buying a card for her, but I couldn’t find one that I liked. Somehow that got me thinking about why unexpected and unplanned might always mean “bad” for unmarried moms-to-be.
Surprise pregnancy sounds like a good term. I think that will work nicely for the card I’m crafting.
Interesting attitude. Personally when I had an unplanned pregnancy I did not need “society” to inform my opinion of it… I did not want to be pregnant, otherwise I would have been planning to be pregnant. Regardless of whether it’s good or bad to have children at random times, a lot of women who decide not to raise such children are doing so because THEY don’t want to, not because of society’s opinion.
Mongoose; speak for yourself, thank you. You aren’t the spokesperson for birth mothers ’round the world. You don’t know the reasons.
That said, I prefer unplanned when speaking in general. I have a reader that uses “unexpected pregnancy.” Surprise is funny, because I was definitely an “unplanned” pregnancy (parents were just engaged) but my brother was a total SURPRISE! eight years later. LOL. Surprise, to me, has a much greater positive connotation.
For fun: synonym.com lists some synonyms for unplanned: casual (uh, don’t use that one), unexpected, unpremeditated (that’s long, lol), accidental (again, not nice), chance (that’s fun!), unintentional (eh), unintended (no!).
Synonyms for unexpected: unannounced, unpredicted (lol), unanticipated, unforeseen, out of the blue (lol), sudden, unscheduled (lol).
However, no listing for synonyms of crisis… it’s a word in itself, no?
I love language.
Yep, I was a “surprise” to my mom too, Jenna. Actually, she used that term. She had her perfect two children family – my brother and sister were 7 and 5 when I was born.
Government statistics indicate that half the pregnancies in the US are unplanned, so obviously plenty of women get pregnant without intending to so do.
My point was that as a society sometimes we can influence how a woman feels about a pregnancy. “Crisis” does have negative tones.
I would like to see us change our blog title to Unplanned Pregnancy. The word crisis only encourages women to view it as a disaster, when it is not necessarily so.
I like the term suprise pregnancy too. It’s kinda cute. I agree with Heather about changing the title of our blog to Unplanned.I prefer it over Crisis.
Jenna: I was speaking for myself, as evidenced by the use of “I”. Meaning me. I also said “a lot of women” which doesn’t have to mean YOU. And I said nothing at all about birthmothers. Chill.