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What does it take to be at peace with your decision to place a child for adoption? It is a simple question without a simple answer. Each mother who places a child for adoption is different although many have a great deal in common.
Many birth/first mothers place their babies for adoption partially due to a lack of self-esteem or confidence in their parenting skills. They fear that they are not yet prepared or equipped to parent. Placing a child for adoption will do little to increase your self-esteem. In fact, the very act of relinquishment often accomplishes precisely the opposite.
To place your child for adoption is in a sense in many cases admitting to yourself that you are unable and unworthy to parent. Birth/first mothers often feel guilty for not feeling as though they are able to adequately parent their child. Sometimes they may think that they can, but others convince them otherwise. Even then, the guilt exists because they feel as though they should have fought the pressure harder.
Once your baby is gone, you have the rest of the world to face. Sometimes well-meaning relatives will after the fact tell you that they would have helped you. Others will judge you harshly and ask “How could you give your own baby away?”
Although there may be some people who understand, sympathize and agree that your decision was the best option given your circumstances, most will fail to understand. They may try to be sypathetic and understanding, but they really will not be able to empathize with your situation.
Where do all these sets of circumstances generally leave a birth mother? Tormented, damaged goods, irresponsible, guilty and a whole host of negative ways. It is nearly impossible to be at peace with your decision if you feel worthless and as though you are a bad person.
How does one travel from feeling guilty, unworthy, etc. to a place of peace? For most birth mothers, the journey is a long one. The degree that you are able to succeed at achieving any peace varies due to personalities and circumstance.
