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My husband is the 8th child in his family of 10 children. His Irish Catholic mother and father did not believe in birth control, and apparently, she was ultra fertile. It seems that there are women these days who sometimes relinquish their babies when they are pregnant with not a first child, but a third, fourth or fifth child.
I thought about how poor my husband’s family was growing up and let my mind roam. They lived in a large two story house in South Central Los Angeles, close to where the riots were a few years back. Each subsequent child had to strain their budget even further.
I wonder what kind of person my husband would be if someone had convinced his mother that they just couldn’t feed one more mouth? What would he have been like had he been raised in another family. The ties he has with his clan are as strong as any I have seen. His sisters and brothers are still very close, and they all developed into the amazing loving and caring examples set by their parents. Family ties and strong close bonds run deep in his family. They are amazingly comfortable together.
Had my husband been plunked down in another family would he be as kind, generous and secure as he is? Would he feel and appear as grounded and comfortable in his own skin? As I thought about this yesterday, I asked my husband if he ever remembered going hungry as a child? “Never” he said. “Did you ever go to school with holes in your clothes or anything like that?” “No, never,” he replied. “Did you ever really want anything that you couldn’t have?” All he could recall wanting that he could not have was a paper route.
In addition to being poor to start with, my husband’s father lost his eyesight in his late 30’s or early 40’s. The last two or three more children were born after he became blind. However, my husband’s parents did a spectacular job of raising their 10 children, despite all the odds. Seeing my husband with his brothers and sisters, I cannot imagine the adoption option for them.
Obviously your husbands parents felt able to deal with all the issues they faced and parent a large family, that great. I would not fault anyone however for feeling like they are Not prepared. It is a very personal decision & not everyone may feel prepared to parent even one child. Just giving birth is not going to make you feel capable & prepared, and support might not help either, so is adoption a good option then, perhaps.