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No abortion, no adoption? Neither of those alternatives is an easy solution, however, I had to think this young woman was choosing what she morally felt was “right” and “easier” for her. She seemed oblivious to the notion of doing what is in the best interests of her children. Whether her moral beliefs matched any sort of reality though seemed a remote possibility.
In her mind, as long as she did not choose adoption or abortion, she was choosing the “Godly” route. She seemed proud that SHE would not place a child for adoption or have an adoption. Guess anything goes in her mind as long as she avoids either or those choices.
I am gung-ho, all for parenting when there is a reasonable expectation that a parent has the determination, motivation, goo sense and ability to be a good parent. When a child can remain within a family with the assistance of support from other family members, I think that is generally best for the child. In this set of circumstances, this woman’s children may need more than just some family support. This young woman appeared to be that exception that I always note is possible.
Being poor was the least of this young woman’s issues. She seemed to be devoid of a lick of sense for starters. “Common sense”? Nope, she had none of that either. Her whole back-up system is believing the “Lord will provide for us”. This pitiful young women reminded me that in addition to babies who should not be relinquished, there will also be some babies like hers that maybe should be placed for adoption, and will not.
The truth is that we live in an imperfect world. There will always be babies who can and should be raised by their biological mothers, but will not. On the flip side, there will sometimes be children raised by their biological parents who would be much better off being adopted. Crisis pregnancies force tough choices. Sometimes people make the right choices, sometimes not.
Trusting in Divine Providence is not a sign of unfitness to parent … indeed, I trust God every day to give me what I need to be a good parent to my two adopted children.
The problem here is that the girl is trusting God to pull her out of a mess she leaped into out of her own free will — starting with choosing to have premarital sex. While many teenages DO choose this for themselves, to make that choice and then to expect God to exempt that person from any consequences from their actions is incredibly naive and spiritually misguided.
I don’t write these words out of a vacuum. I had two sisters make a similar choice, and who went on to raise the children themselves (sort of). There were terrible, awful, no good, very bad consequences for themselves and for their children and for the rest of the extended family.
While I agree that abortion never solves anything, adoption in this case (while difficult) does seem like it would have been a wiser course of action.
Too bad this girl’s reproductive system matured more rapidly than her common sense.
Is there anywhere this woman would be counseled to relinquished?
Is that overstepping all bounds?
I think this is an example of an issue that can cause some friction between triad members. The situations where children would clearly be better off in adoptive families are not uncommon, but it sometimes seems that talking about that scenario is frowned upon.
Hearing your views from your birth mother perspective will go a long way to pave the path of communication.
Although I don’t envy you the train ride, I thank you for the posts.
H.Saxton, I certainty wasn’t knocking anyone’s belief in God, or saying that trusting in God is a sign of unfitness to parent. I was saying simply that we do have some free will as well, and we have to participate in what happens to us too. We have to use that free will, make reasonable choices, and take some responsibility for what happens to us and our children.
Unfortunately, in this particular woman’s culture and community, I do not believe adoption is a popular option. She would be likely castigated for choosing adoption. Adoption is a no- no; neglecting her children is not. She spoke of talking to her pastor. He told her to pray on her decision about divorce.
Discussing the possibilty of adoption in a given situation is not something I take issue with. When it is suggested as the first solution, before parenting is thoroughly considered, I take issue with that approach. In this woman’s situation, she had all the concrete indicators, in my mind, that she cannot or will not parent well.
You’re welcome Sandra, and thank you for the comments!
Speaking as a birth parent, I can say that I did pray a bit during the pregnancy and as my due date got closer I prayed that if this baby was meant to come home with me that he would be born on a certain date. I dont know if that was wise or not but sometimes it gives me peace knowing that God didnt answer my prayers but he answered someone’s else with my son. It wasnt an easy choice but I think that I would have made a better parent then her, oh wait I already have, I did what was the hardest choice but the right one for him.