November 26th, 2011
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bestFor the last 3 weeks I have been going through a really ugly depression, sort of lost but in perfect awareness of who I am and where I was headed. I was so utterly lonely, that I couldn’t utter the words to people around me that, “I was depressed”.

So my best friend of 15 years, Jenny, came to town to visit. She is one of the people I called upon post placement, who would answer at any time for me, when my whole world was falling apart. She described it best, that I knew what I was doing was for the best but I was torn. So lately, while writing about my adoption views and my experiences in general, I have been looking a little too closely at the past, and had become entangled in it.

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Last night I laughed and cried, smiled, jabbed and had fun with my Jenny. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. What does this have to do with adoption, with being a birth mom, you ask?

It’s simple, when you place, have someone there who will be there for you when you feel like you’re losing your mind. There were times I would call her at 3, 4 am, because I kept hearing his cry, and it sounded so real (postpartum psychosis is not fun.) I would curl into a ball and was absolutely miserable. I cried so much, but having good, true people in my life kept me from falling into the deep end.

As a birth-first parent or as any kind of parent at all, you need to have some kind of support network set up. Have someone you can talk to, something you can do when the holidays or birthday occurs. Traditions are as highly regarded in this manner and those to will be a life saver when you feel like you’re in a lifeboat in the ocean of your experiences.

Adoption is hard enough but alone it is a war zone for your heart. I am so grateful for my best friend. I hope that you have someone who will be there for you, even when all you can do is cry.

Find support, someone who will listen to you, let you cry it out and someoneĀ  who won’t let you go over the edge into depression, becauseĀ  you are that important and loved. If you don’t have anyone or think you don’t, talk to me. –Because I care about you, and I understand completely what you are feeling.

Blessings to all,

Nellie J.

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One Response to “That’s What Best Friends Are For”

  1. bbino says:

    Nellie,

    Sorry for your loss. My best friend was an adoptee and she made it so clear how much she was damaged by adoption. Realize this grief is about the inhumanity you have suffered in not being supported as a mother. I hope you can find some real support to help mother your child.

    Melissa

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