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Another thing that I’m thankful for in my adoption journey has been the presence of worthwhile, well-written books on the subject of adoption. More specifically, books written about or for birth parents in their journeys to healing. This shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me, even remotely, as I’m a huge book worm. I celebrate my nerdiness with gusto!
One of the first books that helped me in my adoption journey was James L. Gritter’s book Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption. It was given to me by an agency who was appalled at the way my agency had treated me and hoped that the book would help with some of my healing. It did. (I’ll do reviews eventually. I’m just doing an overview of books that I liked today!)
Another book that was beneficial to my healing was also by Gritter, The Spirit of Open Adoption. This book was older than Lifegivers but also had some beneficial points that helped me understand my feelings and position in the triad.
Most recently, reading Ann Fessler’s book, The Girls Who Went Away, was incredibly healing, enlightening and saddening, all at the same time. Obviously, I did not place in the Baby Scoop Era as my Mother was still a child at that time. However, learning the stories of these women helped me to understand why things still are the way they are (or, how they got to be that way) and to further embrace the fact that I am not alone. Generations and terminology may separate us but we still are all connected by the loss of our children, whether it’s a positive force or negative splotch in our histories.
A book that I read shortly after placing was a fiction book, Girls in Trouble by Caroline Leavitt. While wholey fiction and preying on the fears of both adoptive parents and firstparents, the book was still a good read for me in those early post-placement months. If anything, it gave me a good idea of what not to do as a birth mother to assure that certain things wouldn’t happen. Fiction is ficiton but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn a little something!
I’ve read other books that weren’t helpful. However, these gems right here were read at appropriate times during my adoption healing and have helped me to better understand myself as a woman, a Mother, a birthmother and, at the core, a human being. I am thankful for their authors for taking the time to research and write. I am thankful for their publishers for believing in their cause and their talent. I am thankful for those who suggested these books to me so that I may learn.
I came across a magazine article I belive featured some of the women from ” the girls who went away”. I was really moved by their stories and now I need to go get that book.
While I cant relate personally, I can relate as a Mom & woman and like you say.. a human being. Im a Mom today because of the choice another woman made. Im always looking for ways to get inside her head so to speak.
Great post
The book itself is amazing. Check your local library as many have already made it part of their system. But I’d also suggest buying a copy to own. It’s THAT good.
The magazine was “People” magazine. I thought it was a really good article. Gritter’s name came up at the CUB retreat in a positive way. Haven’t read any of his books yet.
At least 4 women at the CUB retreat were there because of the book. So many mothers I know lived those stories, and that book has been so good for them. It has made them understand that they are not/were not alone.
I just finished The Girls Who Went Away…and I too am thankful for great reads, on any member of the triad. I always appreciate openness and honesty in writing…especially when the overall message is redemptive.
Gritter is fantastic…one of the few adoption workers who “get it.”
I’m proud that my name is in the credits of Livegivers. : )