November 13th, 2011
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heartAfter I placed Phoenix into the loving arms of my nurse, and the social workers left, leaving me alone. There was a moment when hope took a nose dive and I was fully aware of everything around me, and the pain was like something that seemed impossible for one person to have.

November is National Adoption Month, fitting with the American tradition of family that is thanksgiving. I am thankful for the people who were there after, who watched me fall apart and pull myself together. I am thankful for my family, the Warners, who if I hadn’t been able to go to their house that first night post hospital, I don’t know if I could have handled it.


Being thankful, for so much right now, is hard because I am in the middle of another crisis, but adoption from the view of a birth-parent has taught me greater grief and pain than any words there might be for them. Because of adoption, I have a new outlook.

Nothing will ever compare to the experience of choosing adoption. The cost was high-my heart, the child of my womb, the dreams that may never be, but in this same line of thinking, I am truly blessed and  thankful with the knowledge of the love for him, from some of my own family and myself but also the love from his.

Adoption creates families and thanks to open adoption, it isn’t impossible to know him. For that alone,I feel a greater sense of peace.

National adoption month is about celebrating life, I think. It is about the kids, the adoptive parents and us–the birth-first parents. The triad of adoption is interlinked, and appreciating each aspect of the triad, and beyond is important I believe.

Honoring the act of selfless love, and the family we have entrusted with the children who we placed higher value on then on ourselves is something pretty amazing to look at. Seeing the family created and the tides of love, the union of family is amazing to me as well, and I don’t honestly know much about that part of the triad yet. I don’t know what Tara gave up in order to become a mom again, or what her kids she already had went through.

Then  there are the children, the adoptees, who often face a lot of issues later on, some more severe then others. Together we are strong, and I am grateful for that Love that spanned beyond reason.

And to end this posting, I am thankful to a very select group of women who I have cried with, shared my sorrow with and who have understood without needing me to explain the sorrow or pain. The women of OYFF, a group for birthmoms, by birthmoms. The sisterhood we share, all of us birthmoms, is something that I cherish and look back on in joy.

I am thankful, that because of them I do not feel alone. May you always be grateful for something, and thankful for the gifts in this life, even the ones that hurt sometimes.

-Nellie J.

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One Response to “Thankful”

  1. mcjarman says:

    Hi Nellie–I’m featuring posts from birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents on my blog for National Adoption Awareness month. I love your candor and ability to express both the real feelings of a birth parent, and your own confidence in your choice. Contact me at if you are interested.

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