e-mail
As for what adoptive parents think of when they hear about adoption laws becoming more rigid, this is strictly my opinion. I believe that they react very differently than birth parents do for several reasons. After a few recent heated debates, here are some conclusions that I have reached as far as why adoptive parents are equally as firm and resolute in their convictions.
Adoptive parents too are motivated by the love of their children – by the children that they have adopted. In many cases, they have adopted children whose original parents were drug addicted, abusive, etc. Others have adopted children from such dire circumstances that had they not been adopted, they might have literally starved to death or languished in dismal orphanages.
These children are greatly loved by their adoptive parents, and when the talk comes around to tougher requirements to adopt, they think of their children. Their minds wander off and they can’t help but think that if adoption requirements become more restrictive that maybe some children just like theirs might not be adopted.
Adoptive parents appear to me to equate toughening adoption requirements as sentencing more children to horrible lives, and that makes them outraged and indignant. The message is “How dare you do anything to lessen the numbers of children saved.” For those of us who want tougher laws to protect children, we become the enemy and get accused of not caring about children.
Who is right? Who is wrong? I do not believe it is that simple. What I do know is that I care deeply about children, and want the best for all children of adoption. I believe that adoptive parents care about children as I do. This debate is not a simple question of who is right and who is wrong.
Further Reading:
Guatemala, adoption horror stories, and immigration orphans
Photo by Jan Baker 2007
I’m a big fan of reform and I think adoption laws should be changed and I’m an adoptive mom.
Often I think the parents who are bucking the idea of laws changing haven’t really done any research into some of the issues of adoption, ethics, and coercion. Often they are buying completely the lines of the agency that adoption is a win/win/win situation. Something that is presented in such a positive light makes PAPs feel good, so why would they think to question the agencies. Then if they hear about reform, they are completely horrified because they can’t imagine anything is wrong with the system as a whole.
However many if not most of the adoptive parents I know DO see the need for reform and law changes once they start to address the real issues in adoption. I think a lot of the people who buck the idea are just ignorant of the issues.
Great post! Too many people forget to stop and consider the other side of the coin, and just what they may be thinking! I am glad that you brought this up!
Sometimes, I think it’s a matter of insecurity. We want to believe that we’ve done the right thing so badly and, when someone mentions the other side, it is almost a jerk reaction to defend ourselves. I just think that some parents wear blinders to compensate for their insecurities. Other parents (like Erin above) seem to see that reforms will help everyone in the future. We may have to go through several drafts of reforms before we get there though.
Thanks for all your comments! I so appreciate calm and thoughtful comments like the three of yours. I am trying to see all sides of these issues, and rational comments help me.
Mo, birth parents wear blinders at times as well, and we too want to believe that we did the right thing. Unfortunately, many of us realize too late that maybe we didn’t do the right thing (by relinquishing, I mean).