In my previous post, I discussed my personal experiences with the holiday over the years. Today I am offering up a small list of ideas, in no way comprehensive of all ideas, to survive Mother's Day as a birth mother. These ideas have been given to me over the years, talked about on the forums and written about in blogs and on websites. As always, as every birth mother differs in how she handles certain issues, some of these will be appropriate for your situation and some will not: pick and choose what is relevant to you.

1. Ignore the day. This is not normally advice I give when it comes to dealing with issues. However, I don't necessarily view a celebratory day as an "issue." I view it as any other holiday; some people like holidays, some don't and some pick and choose which ones they celebrate and ignore. If you're having a particularly hard year or if you're just not "feeling it," don't force yourself to celebrate in a personal way. (Though I would stop short at neglecting to send your own Mother a card!) Do something else, away from the mainstream Mother's Day events. Skip church that Sunday, avoid family restaurants and malls. Head out into nature, see a movie without any parental undertones or curl up in bed with a good book.

2. Similar, but different: Do something special for yourself. As opposed to the previous idea, doing something special for yourself in a way that acknowledges your motherhood on a personal level. Buy yourself flowers, go out to a nice lunch with friends who understand and respect the role you have in your child's life or treat yourself to a special hair-do at the salon.

3. In relation: When asked if you are a Mother, say yes. For example, if you have gone with the previous idea of getting something special done to your hair and your salon attendant asks if you are a Mom, reply with a simple, "Yes." He or She doesn't need to know that your child is being raised in x-location with y-parents, especially if you do not know this person and will only see him/her at the salon. Most likely, they will ask a few questions about your child and the subject will change. Allowing yourself the honest admission of your Motherhood to a complete stranger is somewhat freeing.

4. Stand up in church. Similar to the previous idea, those who attend church might have a recognition moment for Mothers in their church on that particular Sunday. From personal experience and stories from other birth mothers, many churches ask the Mothers in attendance to stand for recognition. Stand. Even if you are with your own Mother who denies your Motherhood because you don't change diapers everyday, stand. Even if you are with friends who might not know the story, stand. Even if your fellow congregation members don't know the story and might feel confused by your standing presence, stand. In my personal experience, not standing felt like I was denying the existence of my daughter. That felt far worse than having to field a few innocent questions from the nosy old ladies at church. (Also, if you want to avoid the questions, sit near the edge of a pew and plan on a quick escape. I won't tell!)

5. Send cards. For those involved in open adoption, I cannot stress the importance of sending your child's mother a card for Mother's Day. For some, jealousy and anger are involved in the relationship and it might be a hard task. You might not get a card in return. That doesn't mean that your child's Mother isn't a Mother and doesn't deserve recognition and thanks on such a special day. If you are in reunion with your child, send a card that simply thanks them for being a great child. It's harder to find cards that don't say, "Watching you grow up over the years," but they do exist. As I stated before, don't forget your own Mother or others who have made an impact in your life.

6. As always, journal. The day will change for you over the years. You will experience new things in both your adoption related life and life in general. Some years will be better than others. Some years may be frought with emotion while others are relaxing, calm days. Someday your placed child might ask you, "Did you think of me on Mother's Day?" Of course, the answer will always be, "Yes," but with a journal you can show how he/she was always with you, changing with you through the years.

If you have done anything special over the years, please feel free to comment with your experience. Again, this wasn't a catch-all list but a short list of ideas that might help someone as we near this coming Sunday's celebration. I do not yet know how my day will go, though I'm praying for some form of peace.

If you have any questions about celebrating Mother's Day, please comment or e-mail firstparentblogger@adoptionmail.com before Saturday. We'd really like to address the concerns of our readers before they endure the day alone.

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For more information on Mother's Day issues, read:

1. One Mother's Experience with the Dreaded Holiday by Jenna Hatfield.

2. Mother's Day or Birthmother's Day? by Jan Baker.

3. Or participate in a discussion on the forums: Honoring Our Motherhood.