There was no outright adoption speak in today's installment of Sunday Secrets over at Post Secret. But there were two that really caught my eye with regard to the subjects I write about on this blog.

First off, we have this one.

Pregnant women remind me of my failures.

One should note, if you didn't look at the postcard, it looks like a male in a woman's dress with a pregnant belly. All the same, I can really resonate with that statement. Especially in that first year post-placement, seeing pregnant women or young children really made me feel horrible. To be very honest, I felt even worse about myself (and, as such, slightly judgmental) if the expectant mother was younger than me. I've thankfully moved past a lot of those issues but, at times, I still am reminded by my failures in the glow of another woman's pregnant smile.

I wanted to parent my child. But things snowballed. My health deteriorated. I couldn't work. And I panicked. I'm pretty hard on myself for that fact and I recognize now, years removed, that I really was doing the best I could at the time. I still have my regrets but I've recognized the positives in all of our lives by those series of decisions. At the same time, I do acknowledge my failures. Failure to communicate. Failure to stay calm. Failure to think far enough ahead to how it would affect us all. And seeing pregnant women, especially if they catch me off guard, really tends to kick up the reminders of those failures. (Woo! I'm glad I'm in therapy, right?)

The second pregnancy related one hit me in a different way.

I'm 20 and I can feel that my body wants me to have a baby and the scary thing is I kind of want one too.

While the rest of the world reading that postcard probably balked at the age and passed many a judgment, I was reminded of my twenty year old self. I was just starting to question my drive towards corporate America and was wondering if there was something greater than monetary success. September 11th happened and it struck me: nothing seemed greater than having a child and raising a family. Then somehow things got discombobulated later but reading this postcard, well, I was reminded of my past self. The idealistic self. The one that trusted and loved and hoped and dreamed. And while I hope this twenty year old doesn't run off and get pregnant "just because," I hope she's able to keep some of that idealistic nature. Because it comes in handy while parenting. Trust me.

What were your thoughts while reading those two secrets?



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