Start Reform from the Ground Up

In my previous article, I talked about a man who had adopted from Korea and is now working to foster change in how unwed mothers are treated within their own country. I was contacted to provide some more information about how to follow in his footsteps. Still others found it pointless to offer help. I did some research, finding no groups wanting to abolish adoption and instead found people and corporations wanting to start at the bottom and work their way up through the reform ladder.

The man I spoke of donates his funds through the general charity of Give2Asia. He specifies to donate to the Single Mothers Network, a group home for unwed mothers, and the Korean Women Workers Association. When you visit Give2Asia’s website, a 501(c)(3) charity, you find many different things to do with your own money. However, only six percent of the money coming in is being used to help in a way related to women’s issues.

Under the heading of “Greatest Need,” there are quite a few women’s issues located throughout Asia, not just Korea. You could encourage women to achieve their professional goals. We often tout adoption to mothers who haven’t yet started or finished college yet. However, the truth is that college is a possibility for women in this country, regardless of whether or not they have previously had a child or are currently parenting one. In other countries, that’s not the reality. Six of the eleven hundred students at Kandahar University are women. Six. The college I attended had a seven to one ratio of women over men. Seven to one. That’s a big difference.

Another one that caught my eye was promoting alternatives to the sex trade for impoverished women in Kathmandu. With the conflict in Nepal, many people were displaced. Young women are lured into big cities with promise of work in restaurants and bars but are then coerced into performing sexual favors for customers and friends of owners. Girls as young as twelve are forced to have unprotected sex. Knowing what I know about unprotected sex, I’m sure this isn’t helping the unplanned pregnancy rate or any of the resulting choices that follow for a woman in the aftermath of that discovery. The nay-sayers who don’t want to actually reform adoption for fear of what it will do for any number of personal or political reasons can’t argue that if you remove the act of unprotected sex, you remove the possibility of unplanned pregnancy. Thus it would make sense to support a movement that removed twelve year old girls and others like them from such a volatile situation and future life-altering decisions.

There are a number of other women’s issues that have been started by grants by people who found a need or desire to help change things. There are also numerous ways to support the needs of children who are suffering in the same poverty that their parents are, whether parenting them or not.

The point of the previous article was not to abolish adoption. I’ve never stated that on this blog or my personal adoption blog, nor will you see me do so. It was to get to the root of the problems and help foster change from the source of problems upward. Adoption has been around long enough for us to realize that it’s not really going anywhere. When people attempt reforms, no matter what country, it is met with resistance for any myriad of selfish or humanitarian reasons. However, trying to empower women in countries where they previously didn’t have any form of choice or decision making ability can help the women themselves as well as children that may come into play. Giving them the ability to educate themselves, work for their own pay and removing them from volatile situations that only create further hardship can be ways of starting reform from the ground up. People don’t like when you “attack” the holy sanctity of adoption in an attempt to promote ethical reform. So others have found it beneficial to start working to empower these women and lessen the number of adoptions, especially unnecessary ones.

Many mothers who have relinquished within our own country have spoken about the lack of power they had in their situations. Even speaking of present day adoptions, where openness is promoted and expectant parents are involved in the situation, we hear of women who, had they been presented with proper education on sexual function or not have given up hope in the depths of their poverty, wouldn’t have found themselves unexpectedly pregnant. (Though it is true that unexpected pregnancies don’t fall in one social class within our country. Continuing this line of debate falls an abortion debate which I will avoid for time’s sake.) If you don’t want to bother with helping other countries for whatever reason you want to state (everything from corruption to countries needing to help themselves), think about helping the women who live next door to you. Think about donating clothing, time and money so that we can help bring our own mothers out of the fear that they live in as well. Fear for where their lives are headed and what that means for their children. Mentor a young woman so that she knows she can go to college, avoid gang related activities and is above the need for casual sexual activity. Do something. If you’re not willing to change adoption and promote ethical reform, help a young woman realize her worth before she gets pregnant. Help a young, pregnant mother realize her worth as a mother before she relinquishes. Unnecessary adoptions happen everyday in our country. The point of ethical reform is to stop the unnecessary ones by stopping the unethical agencies, attorneys and baby brokers. Starting reform from the ground up would be to help young women find and utilize resources and become the best parent to their child.

Adoption will always exist. There is no perfect world. But lessening the need by empowering women seems like a win-win situation for both the women and the children in question.

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For more on Korea specifically, read:

1. Birth Mothers Around the World: A Look at Korea.

2. Reilience: More on Korean Birth Mother Documentary (Plus More!).

3. Book Review: Somebody’s Daughter.

4. In Relation: Overseas Adopted Koreans (OAK).

5. Now That’s Some Reformed Thinking.

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Photo Credit.

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