January 6th, 2011
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guyThis term is often heard throughout the adoption world.

We consider some birth fathers as merely ‘Sperm Donors’. Why? Well, because many of us believe that all we got out of the relationship or from the man was his sperm. Sometimes that’s all he cares to give, and sometimes we don’t know him well enough to expect much more. More often than not, we use this as a very negative term.

I like to refer to my baby’s biological father as a ‘birth father’. Many would consider him a Sperm Donor because he was not at all involved in my adoption process (except when he helped complicate things) and has never even seen a picture of her. But, he knew about her and I know that he loved her (or at least the idea of her). I hope he still thinks about her and t hat maybe someday he will change his life enough so that they could have some sort of relationship.

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I was once very in love with him and so I had that desire for us to be a family. It was hard to let go of that idea and grieve the loss of that as well as the loss of my daughter. I chose for him to not be involved. I told him he didn’t really have a say in my choice, because he wasn’t taking any sort of responsibility. But, because of that, I consider him her Birth Father and not my sperm donor. I know he could have done much more to be involved and took some initiative, but I knew he wouldn’t. That’s not his personality, unfortunately. But, at the same time I am glad things worked out the way they have, because I know it was best for my baby. Also, it was the only way I could guarantee that I would never go back to him.

Here’s to sperm donors and birth fathers that don’t stand in the way of adoption (whether they mean to or not) !


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One Response to “Sperm Donors”

  1. birthfather1 says:

    I am a Birth Father and wanted to marry the mother who was more than happy to have sex with me but never considered me good enough as a father. I guess her mother’s influence helped. My son was taken from me. I was never allowed to see him. When my then girlfriend discovered she was pregnant she left without a word until she had the baby and it was given up for adoption. Then she got lonely and contacted me again knowing I was worried about her and would come running. She spent time with me but would never explain why she would not marry me. Though less than a year later she was married to someone she met right after having the baby and in between contacting me. It is now 20 years later and not a single day has gone by that I have not thought about my son. I am very successful now and could have provided her and our child a wonderful life. I an now married to someone else and we have a beautiful daughter but I still wonder about the son I never saw. All I know is that he looked like me when he was born. Maybe one day I’ll see a younger version of me walking down the street. Just proves that not all sperm donors refuse to measure up.

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