My stomach just turned and it's not because I'm on cup five of coffee before any real food consumption. (Though the latter is true.) While reading through the adoption alerts that have piled into my inbox over my extended weekend, I came across this little gem of an opinion letter out of a Chicago newspaper. Beware before reading that the opinions presented are not that of this blogger and some of the language is rather infuriating.

The letter asks adoptees seeking access to their birth records to stop. The reasons are the normal ones, lacking a full understanding of today's adoptions and expectant parents seeking open adoptions, figuring that no mother will place if her child can know who she is without any form of a search. While I've seen this argument time and time again and can write it off with very little argument (you know, since I'm a living contradiction to that line of thought), the words in this particular letter are what made my stomach turn.

Let's highlight!

I feel empathy for all the adopted people who are looking for their roots -- family trees -- and are resentful that their moms and dads did not want ever to be connected to them.

Oh, wow. I know that a few of my birth mom friends who are reading this right now were just stricken livid. While the uneducated always assume that mothers from the closed era (and, as such, with closed adoptions) didn't want a "connection" with their child, I have found that assumption to be the minority of experiences. It is sadly true for some and heartbreaking whenever it happens. But, thinking just off the top of my head, I know two wonderful women who would have done anything to parent their relinquished children but circumstances like decade and religion preempted their motherhood, forcing them to place their firstborn children. They would do anything for that connection. The assumption that birth parents don't want that connection is harmful not just to the grieving birth family but to the child.

But it gets better. Wait for it!

Please do not encourage changes to the law or seek remedies in the courts because this will in most cases make adoption not a viable option in the eyes of the baby donors.

Now, there's the argument again. "OH NO! I can't place my baby for adoption because he'll know who I am now that these pesky adoptees have access to their records! Except! Wait! I want an open adoption! So... I guess it doesn't matter, does it?" See? Flawed. But it's not the argument that made my eyes bulge out of my head. I've seen it enough. It's the way that I am referred to as a "baby donor." Excuse me?

Excuse me again?

Baby donor? That's all that I am? That's the new title being forced upon me? I'm sure that if adoptive parents were called "baby sitters," the world would be up in arms. But it's okay to refer to be as a "baby donor?" No. It's not. I am a thousand and one things more than a "baby donor" to my daughter. I would also assume that I am more than just a "baby donor" to her parents. While we are in no way co-parents, we have become friends and they know that should my presence be requested or needed, I can be there in about eight hours. (Oh, distance.) I've been called a lot of negative things in my time with regard to my birth mother status, but "baby donor" is all new low.

And, since we've already hit an all new low, let's get super simplistic in thought to close off the letter!

And, in the minds of the would-be donors,abortion has become the only answer.

Please do not enact court cases or laws that will mean the death sentence for your brother, sisters and cousins.

Do I even need to comment on how overly simplistic this view is? I hate when those opposing opening records play the abortion card, assuming that because a mother will be "known" to her child, she would rather abort than parent or place. It is based on the assumption that adoptees were not wanted by their birth families. I am here to stand as a contradiction to that belief as are many of my brothers and sisters.

I support opening records because I want my daughter's hypothetical brothers, sisters and cousins to be treated like a real, live human being and, as such, have access to their records and information. Sometimes it is a matter of life or death. I'd really rather that they avoid that kind of death sentence.

Let's wake up, start being respectful with how we refer to birth parents and support our children in their search for the most basic of civil rights.

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