Comments on: Should Mothers Have a Right to Choose Parents?

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:08:58 +0000

John; You’re dead on when it comes to the “too much paperwork” for at least one of their situations. How sad is that? UGH!!

By: John

John — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 02:57:47 +0000

I am sorry your Mom had that experience. You are right, reform is needed, there is no reason that it should be difficult. There is even the ICPC to smooth differences between states. I know that some agencies truly dislike all of the extra paper work that is part of an interstate placement. John

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:45:05 +0000

My Mom’s experience with interstate foster care adoption was highly different than “not all that difficult.” She’s the reason I KNOW that reform is needed! Sigh. Such a rough time there.

By: John

John — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:41:05 +0000

I would like to address the issue of an abusive birthparent having continued contact with the abused child, after the TPR. Yes, I am one of the OMGs, if your wouldn't coerce a rape victim to have regular contact with her rapist, you have no business coercing or permitting contact between the abused child and his abuser, for exactly the same reasons. Give the poor child some chance to belive that they are entitled be safe and kept from harmful people. Of course the abusive parents should have no say in the placement of the child, the TPR says it all.

This case is different, it is hard to see how the mom could have had the opportunity to abuse this child, it must be based on some past issue, so not the same as an abuser.

I would urge the folks who feel that evern abusive or neglectful TPRed birthparents should be able to direct their child's placement or force open adoption. The desire for an infant or a toddler is very great. Older children have a very different situation. There are many more kids needing placement than families looking to adopt older kids. Add extra conditions for the adoptive families to meet, or insist on open adoption, and the kid usually just rots in the system. Adoption for an older child is truly an opportunity, many don't get the chance. The decsision has to be is it better for the kid to be stuck in foster care until he ages out, but have birthparent contact and direction in any possible placement, or should the child be placed in adoption if possible, and the social worker makes the calls. You can't force open adoption in older child placements. John

PS I've done four interstate foster care adoptions, it isn't all that much more difficult.

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 18:12:14 +0000

There’s been no ruling yet. So, we’ve yet to see!

By: MamaS

MamaS — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:57:51 +0000

We had this scenario in law school. A couple dies, leaving an 18-month-old daughter and no will. Three families petition to adopt the child:
Family ONE: Best friends of the parents, who were the child's godparents. They are the same age as the parents, live in the same neighborhood, and would raise the child just as the parents would have.
Family TWO: The ex-wife of the father, with her husband and her 14-year-old daughter who is half-sister to the little girl. The teenager has spent every other weekend with her father and stepmother, considers the baby her sister and wants them to be together.
Family THREE: The mother's brother and his wife. They have three boys and live in Germany. They are German citizens and would take the child back to Germany to raise.
Judge's Ruling: Family One is out. Godparents have no legal standing if there is no will giving them guardianship or custody.
Family Two is out. The only biological relative is the sister and she is not old enough to care for the baby. Care would fall to non-biological ex-wife and her husband.
Family Three got the baby. Judge ruled that it would not be a hardship on the child to learn German as she had not yet learned English, and that even though she was raised in Germany she would retain American citizenship and could return to the U.S. when she became an adult.
Wonder if that judge sat through the same law classes?

By: Yondalla

Yondalla — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:10:58 +0000

I'm a foster parent for teens. Generally I do permanency care, which is sort of "adoption light." The kids become part of my family, and come back for holidays long after they grow up and move out. In most cases they were removed from their parents a decade ago and bounced around in the system for quiet a while.

And the emerging model for this sort of care is to try to re-establish links with the first family and for the two families to work together as much as possible. Most kids in care are not there because their parents are cruel. They are there because their parents are not able to provide them safe homes, in my humble opinion that is too often because we as a society don't support families, but I digress.

My point is that even in these cases, even when the child and the mother have been separated for years, it is STILL a good idea to have the first parents as involved as is safely possible. For that to happen first parents needs and desires have to be taken into consideration.

So I guess that is the way I would put it. Someone has to make a decision based upon the needs of child, but that person should remember that the needs are best served when you are set up a situation that will best facilitate the healiest possible relationship between the child and the first family.