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This article offers yet another way that some prospective adoptive parents search for a child. Advertising for children to adopt is another one of those difficult ethical issues.
“Other families send out [information] with their Christmas lists, put it on the Internet. The only way to find a baby is to be creative and more aggressive.”
Since there seem to be no shortage of adoptable children in the world,
I am at a loss as to why such desperate measures as a billboard are necessary. Billboards and other blatant advertising schemes seem like desperate measures that are completely unnecessary.
“We’re not like a typical, well-to-do, pay-for-a-baby type family,” Halverson said. “If you can get a baby, it’s like hitting the lottery.”
Gee, a “typical well-to-do pay for a baby type family,” I think if I were an adoptive parent, I would not be too keen on that statement. Referring to getting a baby as like winning the lottery is not exactly a tactful way to refer to finding a baby to adopt either. But, that’s just my opinion.
It does bring up the whole issue as well as to the wisdom of referring to babies as “gifts” or “prizes.” Reminds me of the infamous Barbara Walters fiasco in which an open adoption in the works was hyped as a reality game show with the child as the winner. At least once complaints were made, they did retract those ads in lieu of a more tasteful approach.
Further Reading:
Not so Unprecedented Mr. Pertman.
Photo by Jan Baker 2007
This just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Just because these people put up a bunch of signs doesn’t mean they actually want (and could properly raise) a child of their own. What if they’re just a “front” for a company looking to collect and sell as many babies as it can?
What if this is just geurilla advertising at its most creative?
I don’t have a problem with adoption advertising, but I do have a problem with this couple. Maybe they’re fine parents, but their statements are troubling.
I only read part of it… but…
I still don’t understand why advertising is needed like this when there are so many babies out there that need homes.
Is it because they were being specific or something?
there are pages and pages of healthy infants available on rainbow kids website, it seems unnecessary to advertise. the language “aggressive” and “lottery” bug me big time. Our family does feel that every child is a gift, but not in the sense of having won a prize or contest.
I’m new in the search, and have a little more sympathy for this couple. If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that there is no way I will please the whole “community” with my decisions. I’m glad to read all the range of opinions here, but am perhaps a bit less inclined to critically analyze this kind of advertising.
That being said, we are in fact turned off by the idea of writing up a manipulative (coached) paragraph and glamour-shot photo to be as attractive as possible. However, I disagree that there are “pages”, “so many”, or any other phrase indicating lots of easily available children out there. International adoption is very expensive and can lack transparency, and domestic is pretty intimidating and complicated and ALL of it is potentially unethical, no?
I think the “gift” and “lottery” statements were meant to convey the statistics involved, and aren’t bios also referred to as gifts?
Thank you for posting the article, and your thoughts.
I’ve expressed before that this type of adoption advertising is disgusting to me, and the ways they describe adoptive parents, and “winning the lottery” are equally awful.
We did not win the lottery, or win anything when we adopted our daughter. We aren’t swimming in money, my husband is in the navy for goodness sake, and she’ll never have her pony. We value her mothers presence in our lives above anything, and will maintain and pursue that relationship with all that is in us. I will not raise my daughter without her other mother, because that is part of what our daughter needs.
Also this couple says they’ll pay for living expenses, which is disgusting in itself because it sets up a mom to feel like she “owes” them her child.
Also they say some bitter things toward a mom who chose to parent her child rather than place with them. I had a failed placement. A little girl came home with us, and then her mom (thankfully) chose to parent. I am SO grateful that she chose to parent, and that I got to experience that loss. Also we have remained very VERY close friends with her, and I am to this day grateful for her choice to parent, she is a good mother. There comes a point where you have to realize that you are not ENTITLED to a child just because someone makes an adoption plan.
ALSO, their way of advertising screams that they are desperate to be parents. Desperation does NOT ever lead to ethical adoption, nor does it lead to good unselfish adoptive parenting. Because desperation is all about SELF, and when you are parenting you need to put yourself aside. I would never want a child to come into our home unless it was something that was necessary, OR mom was sure and had adequate counsel and time to change her mind (I’m talking months here, not days) I’ve seen the more desperate adoptive parents often are the ones who don’t talk much about adoption in their homes with their children, and often pursue closed adoptions, or close them at a later date, because they didn’t deal with themselves before they adopted.
Of course I’m seen as anti-adoption by many, but whatever.
Miriam, you are correct. There are no easily available children in the world of adoption. Adoption is expensive, time consuming and emotionally draining. There are, however, millions of children across the world needing families. and yes, bios are gifts too.
Miriam, good points
Thanks for sharing them and, I agree, all children are gifts in and of themselves whether they are bio or adopted.
It may be that these parents are not as “well-educated” as many here and their statements are not an indication of the intent to adopt unethically.
And I agree with Sunbonnet Sue that adoption is draining in so many ways. But, done ethically, it can be a very positive experience for everyone involved.