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Last week Coley covered an article on a new infant care center in Orange County, California. (Writing that makes me wonder how they’re fairing with the fires that are ravaging Southern California.) While I had initially been intrigued by the article itself, I did a little more research. Because I’m nosy like that.
The program in question is Casa Teresa. They do provide some pretty nice services to single, poor and/or young mothers who are choosing to parent. They have a residential program for pregnant mothers which helps them get ready to parent. They also have a “transition program” which allows these mothers to apply to stay up to a full year after the birth of their child. Not only to help them get on their feet by providing job training and help with obtaining a GED if they have not received their high school diplomas, counseling is provided so that these mothers can have safe sounding boards for those first year of parenting problems as well as other issues that brought them to the program in the first place.
As the article Coley linked didn’t mention, however, that they do also have an adoption program. This is where my interest was piqued, of course.
Interestingly, the expectant mothers who are considering placement are housed in a different location than the mothers who are planning to parent. I find this to be a huge red flag. While the website states that the reasoning behind it is because mothers, themselves, have claimed that it was too hard to be with mothers who were going to get to parent their children, I really call “shenanigans” on that line of thinking. I remain a firm believer that programs that separate mothers out who are simply considering placement are hoping to break down any leftover resolve to parent by prematurely referring to them as birth mothers and removing them from others who could give them advice on parenting (like the other mothers going through the same exact kind of situation!).
Furthermore, I e-mailed the info address to ask if mothers who place are provided with a year of transitional living after the placement of their children. As you can imagine, they are not. They are offered two months and then sent on their way. The website does not provide information on what is provided during this time, but I suppose it’s not the same help that parenting mothers are offered in the year-long transition program (like job-training, GED help, legal problem help, etc). The list of goals on the adoption program page simply states that they want to house mothers and place babies. It speaks nothing about helping these mothers find the confidence to believe in themselves again. I find this frustrating because, well, it’s frustrating. Many times, mothers are placing children for adoption because they don’t feel ready, financially or in other ways. They, too, might have had legal, financial or academic issues that they felt made them unfit to parent. Helping these mothers find the confidence to get on their feet and fix whatever it is that they have deemed “wrong” with their lives would seem to be a huge benefit, don’t you think? But alas, once those papers are signed, these mothers aren’t all that important anymore, now are they?
I’m not spitting all nails here, trust me. Read on.
The program, however, does provide for lifetime counseling for mothers who have relinquished their children. At no cost. Okay, okay, I’ll back down my guard a little bit at the mention of this information.
While I still don’t believe in separating mothers and thus denying them conversations with mothers choosing different paths in similar situations, I do believe in lifetime counseling. While I don’t believe in throwing new birth mothers out of a home when they clearly entered the home because they had no other living arrangements, I do believe in free lifetime counseling.
Sometimes, I want to just take a conglomeration of ideas and shove them together to make the “perfect” situation for mothers considering placement. They would be presented with all available options, counseled thoroughly and, should they choose to place, cared for emotionally and physically while helping them get on their feet. Instead, I can only hope that others are listening and see what’s wrong with today’s systems and eventually make some changes.
I’m always torn when a program like this exists. They give some really good resources to new parenting mothers. We need programs that help new mothers! We do! But, in at least one way, they treat expectant mothers considering placement as though they are “different” when they really need to be treated just the same. Then again, that doesn’t boost adoption numbers, now does it? Sigh.
As always, if you are an expectant mother considering placement and you’re being told something that doesn’t feel right, please consider it a red flag and contact someone who will help you find the right answers. (Always feel free to e-mail me.)
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For more, read:
3. Pregnant? Need Help to Make a Decision?
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