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Women are sometimes scolded like children when they offer news of an unintended pregnancy. “How could you be so careless?” is a popular comment that some women receive when announcing a pregnancy. Needless to say, this sort of comment sometimes weighs heavily on an expectant mother.
As hard as it may be to send out a letter of this kind, I feel that this is the time to swallow some pride and let others who care about you help you.
The quote above was taken from a post of Rebecca’s which discusses financing an adoption. The irony of it struck me as I was in the midst of writing a post about pride and an unplanned pregnancy. While some adoptive mothers go to extreme measures to finance an adoption, how often do we encourage young mothers to take such measures to parent their babies instead of relinquishing them?
If a young mom did not already feel badly about her unplanned pregnancy, a comment about her careless behavior might start the wheeling rolling towards making her feel irresponsible and unworthy to parent. Sometimes I think we do not pay enough attention to the seeds that we may sow with our thoughtless words.
Not every women who becomes pregnant without intending to is careless, irresponsible and hence, unworthy to parent. Undoubtedly there are a few, but not only is it human to err, but birth control methods fail as well. No matter why an intended pregnancy occurs, judging a woman harshly when she is probably already beating herself up about it is unnecessary and cruel.
As much as I hate admitting it, my pride was a part of why I did not fight harder to prevent my son’s adoption. I was ashamed of the situation that I found myself in and did not want to tell my loved ones. In retrospect had I reached out to my family or others, I probably could have found a way to have kept my son. It is a painful admission to point out the part my pride played in the loss of my son, but I imagine I am not the only mother who allowed pride to cloud her judgment.
Rebecca’s post was about being frugal and finding ways to become an adoptive parent. She even mentioned a group called frugal adoptions. Although she was referring to ways to be able to afford to adopt, her advice to “swallow your pride” fits perfectly for a pregnant woman who wants to parent.
Related Posts:
Adoptive mom Erin’s ideas on financing an adoption
One of my posts on the subject.
