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A study has been bebopping its way around the internet today, making an appearance on BloggingBaby, here on adoptionblogs by some good bloggers and on other adoption minded blogs throughout the blogosphere. Initially annoyed with the study (but not the bloggers!), I couldn’t exactly put my finger on why I was annoyed.
After all, as I commented to someone else, I am 100% behind validating families. Since this study comes with the hopes of showing the rest of the world that gay and lesbian parents are just as good as the rest of the already accepted parenting formats, I can stand by it in that facet. But some people are taking the study out of context, neglecting to quote an important addition in the article and, eventually, it’s going to be used to coerce some expectant mother out of parenting her child.
The last of those points was what was bothering me, though I couldn’t initially figure out just what that annoyance was at the time. Thanks to Dawn, I was able to go, “Ah-ha! There we go,” and begin to understand my extreme distaste for what the study will mean in the future.
You know this will be used against a single woman contemplating making an adoption plan; after all it’s “proof” that her kid will be better off with someone else!
Anyone else nodding and going, “Oh crap, the spin-off of this one is going to be yucky.” Again, if it is kept in the context that gay and lesbian parents are just as good as the rest of us, then I can get behind this study. I could even get behind it if the study was presented, in that fashion, to an expectant mother considering adoption who wasn’t sure if gay or lesbian parents would be “fit” enough to parent her child. But when people start quoting the parts that lift them up while, consciously or not, belittling other members of not only the triad but the parenting world in general, I just can’t give it props. Telling an expectant mother that she needs to place her child because it’s “proven!” that adoptive parents are better than “single parents” just smacks of using statistics to advance your own cause. (Note that the study neglects to talk about single adoptive parents.)
I initially, in an exchange with Lauri which is where I saw it first (because we’ve been offline all day!), thought I was annoyed because I am a biological parent who not only planned the heck out of this child but spends a lot of money and a lot of time. I was offended that the study stated that adoptive parents read more with their children: if you know me, I’m a book worm and we’re raising our son with a huge appreciation of reading and books.
However, as I read through the rest of the blogs that mentioned today’s study, very few pulled out this quote from the article on MSNBC:
Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, welcomed the study’s findings, but cautioned against possibly exaggerated interpretations of it.
“It’s an affirmation that there are all sorts of families that are good for kids,” he said. “Adoptive parents aren’t less good or better. They just bring different benefits to the table. In terms of how families are formed, it should be a level playing field.”
Adoptive parents aren’t less good or better. Thank you. Expectant mothers considering adoption need to realize that adoptive parents are just like everyone else: flying by the seat of their pants. Even in the most planned parenting adventures, things go wrong. People lose jobs or are laid off (hello? econonmy!?). People get sick. People die. People divorce. Let’s not make adoptive parents out to be sinners or saints. They are human beings, just like the rest of us, with failures and successes.
Parenting is hard enough without pitting groups against one another. Instead of doing studies on who is better and why, we would be better served banding together to figure out how to best raise children who will be happy in their adult lives.
(PS – Today’s Parenting After Placement series post will be up this evening. We had a power outage due to snow and ice and I’m running a smidgen behind on tasks!)
Thanks for commenting on this Jenna. I was lurking around some of the other blogs on here and when I read that I felt stung. I bit my lip though because who am I to invalidate other people…
Hopefully the study will do some good, in the context it was intended, but other than that I can’t feel to thrilled about it.
Opal; it’s a fine line to walk to state how something effects you without invalidating others. Hopefully I’ve done that because, in my opinion, that’s where this study failed parents in general.
And this is why I love Adam Pertman. Reasoned, intelligent, and to-the-point analysis. And the whole thing has a feel of “now, why can’t they do a study that says that “adoptive parents are just as good as?” Once again, like you say, why pit one type of parent against another? Aren’t we all just trying to do the same thing, raise our children to be happy and healthy adults.
sigh
Judy; one would hope we’re all trying to do that. I know I am! (Even on the challenging days!)
This is why I posted the link to the pdf on my blog about the report. It’s important to read the whole thing, not just the predigested versions the media masticates before hand, then spits out for easy consumption.
Good job, Sandra!