Parenting After Placement: Dealing with New Emotions – Part Two

Part One.

The anger can get overwhelming at times. For one mother, it permeated every aspect of her life.

I am mad at God. I have been mad at my parents, the aparents, myself for not being strong as I am today, the father and his mother. Heck, I have even been mad at my son for having more loyalty to not hurt his amom than desire to just get to know me.

I think anger is a normal reaction when we don’t know what to do with other emotions. It is important to not let the anger take control of our lives but simultaneously allow ourselves to not only feel but deal with that anger. For me, seeking out a decent therapist was the only thing that helped me catapult past those angry feelings.

Other mothers talked of more anger, regret and sadness. However, there were mothers that felt differently.

B, who speaks of some ambiguity, felt that adoption was right:

I have always known, no matter how I feel about adoption, that it was the right thing for my daughter.

Another mother speaks:

I realized that it would have been impossible for
me to be able to parent her. I felt at peace with it.

For these mothers, parenting after placement only solidified their decision to place. While some of those mothers still question the ethics surrounding the world of domestic infant adoption, they still believe that placement was the right decision for their circumstances. True to form, their differences in experience are beneficial to all in this survey because it is important that we know the many variations of how adoption can touch our lives post-placement.

With the inherent differences, it is important that mothers understand that if they feel “okay” or even happy about their first child’s placement: that is 100% okay. We talk a lot about dealing with emotions or issues caused by placement but we don’t frequently talk about the non-issues. Why? The ones without issues aren’t often seeking how to better their lives with regard to adoption and placement or find support. So it is important to state that if you find yourself only further resolved that adoption was right for you: that is okay. Your personal feelings are your own, just like every other mother, and you are entitled to feel them as they come to you.

Most of the mothers who spoke of anger, frustration and overwhelming sadness did mention seeking out counseling or, at the very least, journaling their feelings as a means to deal with the new emotions. It is important to state that negative emotions are 100% okay as long as you attempt to deal with them in a positive and constructive manner. Letting these new emotions ruin your relationship with your partner, your newly parented child, your placed child or the adoptive family won’t do anyone a bit of good. Letting those feelings destroy your self-esteem or self-image by constantly belittling yourself won’t accomplish healing. Seek out counseling if you feel these new emotions are interfering with your day-to-day life. Journal and reach out to mothers who have been through similar experiences. They do exist!

Tomorrow I will take some time to explore the concept of how a parented child’s everyday and new milestones can make a mother feel with regard to her placed child.

//
More from the Parenting After Placement series.
14. Dealing with New Emotions – Part One.
13. Ability As A Parent – Part Two.
12. Ability As A Parent – Part One.
11. Our First Four Days Home.
10. The First Weeks Home – Part Two.
9. The First Weeks Home – Part One.
8. Personal Labor and Delivery Differences – Part Two.
7. Personal Labor and Delivery Differences – Part One.
6. Delivery Differences.
5. Differences During Pregnancy – Personal Experience.
4. Differences During Pregnancy – Part Two.
3. Differences During Pregnancy – Part One.
2. About the Mothers.
1. A Series Beginning.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.