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On my son Chris’ last visit to our town, he and I were out one Saturday afternoon seeing some local sights. When hunger pangs made us both think it was time for a snack, I suggested my favorite French gourmet food shop, Nicole’s. Although they mainly carry specialty cooking items, including the yummiest cheeses ever, they also have a cafe and serve breakfast and lunch.
On Saturdays mornings, they have a limited supply of freshly baked pain du chocolat (chocolate croissants.) Since my daughter, granddaughter and I all love their version of this French treat, we go there frequently. As Chris and I were walking over to the shop, he turned and commented to me, “I don’t know why, but I have this huge fondness for chocolate croissants.” I just smiled and said nothing, but I wanted to either laugh hysterically or scream, “Of course you do!”
Keep in mind, I had not mentioned to him that this place had chocolate croissants; his comment just came out of the blue. And yes, I know that plenty of people love pain du chocolat, however, it gave me a small thrill to know that my son was one of them.
When Chris and I first reconnected, we were both planning trips to France. He took his trip a month or so later. I postponed mine and instead flew to Seattle to have our first face-to-face reunion meeting. As much as I love France, Seattle is a even better place for me to be these days!
The nature vs. nurture debate is one that I talk about often. If the son that I relinquished was not so much like me, I suppose that I would not believe in nature as much as I do. He IS like me though, so I am a believer that nature does have a big impact on the person we become!
Of course nature has a big impact on the person we become. I believe research has proven that in recent years.
Now, some people will talk about some characteristics of our son’s and if I say that he’s been like that since we got him and we really have nothing to do with them, they’ll argue the point. I honestly don’t think they’re trying to be disrespectful to the birthfamily, but it’s so ingrained that families share characteristics so therefore, members of a family must be alike in some ways, no matter how they came together. In some strange, weird way, I think they’re simply trying to compliment the family before them. But I do understand how that smacks of negating the first family.
Judy,
That is an interesting point that it is ingrained that families share characteristics whether adoptive or biological – they probably do to a certain degree. The son that I raised is very little like me – the one that I didn’t is.
I think nurture plays a big part too – adopted children benefit from both families.
I like this post Jan!! I will be interested to see the influences nature will have in my Charlie’s life.
Thanks Coley, I began right away to notice our similar interests, etc. The more I know him; the more I see how much we are alike.
I often get comments like that to regarding my sons b.mom. They will say how much he is like me or my husband, but when I try to explain something that he might have gotten from his mom they tell me I’m crazy. That I installed it into him. I disagree. I don’t think it’s an either or, but more as both. There has to be a happy medium somewhere.