As an adoptive parent, do you want to link yourself with all adoptive parents, the good, the bad and everything in between? Do you try to speak for all adoptive parents, including the "Mommie Dearest" type adoptive parents? How about those adoptive parents in the news lately for caging their children? Can you relate to that type of adoptive parent at all?

Do you want people to think of all adoptive parents as one enormous group, all the same? I would be very surprised if any adoptive parent wants to be viewed as the voice for all adoptive parents. Birth parents usually feel that way as well.

Unless you live in a cave, however, you already know that abusive, drug-addicted birth parents exist. The news and forums are full of negative portrayals of birth parents. Even some television shows perpetuate horrible stereotypes of birth parents.

Birth parents have been portrayed as cold, heartless and dysfunctional people for decades, and people need to know that not all of us are like that. There is a need to shed some light on real birth parents and that is part of what I try to do.

It would probably take spending the next fifty years writing about birth parents who do not fit the decades old stereotypes to even begin to change the public's perceptions about birth parents. The point is not to paint all birth parents as saintly beings, but as individuals. Just like adoptive parents, we are all different.

To speak up as a birth parent to the world at large takes extraordinary courage. To devote your life to reforming adoption takes unparalleled dedication. To strive to heal yourself and recover takes determination and a brave spirit. To even survive the loss of a child for any reason takes strength. The birth parents I know are doing those things, and that is why the birth parents that I know are such amazing individuals.

Adoptive parents have courageous and brave individuals among their midst as well. Many are adoption.com bloggers. They may have much in common with each other, but they want to be known not as saints, but as caring individuals. There is probably no one who wants to represent all adoptive parents.

One birth mother voice? In fact, I have zero interest in speaking for ALL birth parents. I write about my life, my experiences and those of my birth parent friends and acquaintances. There is no one voice for all birth mothers, nor should there be. I write about the other side of the coin, birth parents who are average decent human beings. Negative portrayals of birth parents have had enough press.


Further Reading:


What Does a Birthmother Look Like?

Telling the World

Photo by Jan Baker 2007