Comments on: Offensive Tip

By: clareb

clareb — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 12:46:02 +0000

Jodilee I'm glad your open adoption is
working out well but the fact that it
is says more about your own personal
honor than it does about your agency.
I've been researching this subject for
about two years and there seem to be a
lot of people who just don't want to
wait four or five years to find the
elusive "Juno" who actually wants a
closed adoption so they promise someone
an open adoption which they have no
intention of honoring and legally, once
the ink is dry they don't have to. Now
apparently these would be adoptors are
saying that they didn't pay the bill,
didn't see the waitress and didn't intend
it for her personally but just slipped
the card in with the check. This
probably is true, but, it demonstrates
what a terrible idea this fishing for
babies is. Remember Paul Newman in "The
Verdict" showing up at funerals with his
personal injury business card? Anyone
who hands these adoption cards out can
only expect a similar reaction.

By: jodilee0123

jodilee0123 — Fri, 30 May 2008 03:54:21 +0000

Okay. . .when we went through our training for our first adoption (we worked with a lawyer run agency)–they did go over marketing techniques and leaving a card such as this was discussed. Being the person that I am, I would like to believe that this couple was leaving their card everywhere they went and weren’t specifically targeting the server. . . but sometimes my world isn’t reality. I think it is tacky anyway–but sometimes people just don’t see it that way. They think any possibility of a connection is worth a try. But the whole “code” thing kind of runs with people who get a separate 800 number to put in their profiles. Why not give your home number? And don’t give me the reason that you want them to call without it costing them anything. They can call collect. . .or most likely know someone with a cell phone with free long distance. When we started our second process of adoption we chose to go with another agency that better fit our family and our strong feelings toward open adoption. Our main concern was special care for birthparents. Making sure they get adequate and truthful counseling and help them through the ups and downs AFTER placement too! We paid a “lifetime” counseling fee at the first agency and they never followed up with our son’s birthmom pretty much after the adoption was final. I’m so happy that our relationship ended up thriving–or it could have been another nightmare story. Anyone who sees our profile now–sees our address and home phone number. Now, we choose to not advertise publically on a website or anything–so, I suppose putting your number and address out there for everyone to see is risky. What a huge RED FLAG for anyone who may be looking for a family. Anyway. . . our agency now is so AWESOME that they have welcomed our son’s birthmom into their family too and she is free to participate in any service, activity, whatever–whenever she chooses. That says a lot and means more than anyone can know for us and her.

So back to the marketing. It’s not for us and I do think it is tacky–but everyone is different and ultimately it is the expectant parent’s choice. I am so naive, I guess and never even thought about the whole ring thing. I had a loose prong once and didn’t wear mine for almost a year–so I never even think to look at people’s hands.

So, the bulletin board thing mentioned above. . .I guess that isn’t so bad as it is anonymous and not targeted towards anyone specifically. Or just talking about it with people you know–in a kind loving manner. . .not solicitation. And lastly. . . I hoped they checked to see if doing something like that is in compliance with their state laws as some do not allow “advertising”. All I have to say is I’m glad I’m not them right now! :0)

By: happygmom

happygmom — Fri, 30 May 2008 01:06:20 +0000

People who think it is acceptable to leave these solicitation cards in public places make my skin crawl. Having helped my daughter and a niece overcome the trauma of being solicited for their babies in public places, I know that this kind of networking is not harmless and clearly shows lack of human compassion.

In my opinion, these people score negative on the sensitivity scale and clearly demonstrate that they do not have the qualifications to be fit parents. Talk about a Big RED Rejection Flag!! This one takes the prize!

By: Chromesthesia

Chromesthesia — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:37:58 +0000

That’s seriously just WRONG. On all sorts of levels. They can’t find some other way to adopt? Like, I don’t know, an ethical agency or something?

Also, folks will really look dirty at a pregnant woman not wearing a ring? What is this, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn? (one of the books I’m reading.) There’s some churches (Seventh Day Adventist) who don’t believe in wearing rings, at least my relatives don’t. Talk about making assumptions…

By: KatjaMichelle

KatjaMichelle — Wed, 28 May 2008 14:54:18 +0000

Seen much debate over this recently and no matter how hard I try I just can’t see the other side. I can’t imagine it ever being ok to give a pregnant woman one of these cards. Leaving a notice on a bulletin board is more acceptable to me. Although it still leaves me feeling uneasy I can see how “advertising” is necessary to find a non-agency placement but…uh I just don’t know.