What do you do when the other first parent decides that they don’t want to be a part of your child’s life anymore? Or when your child’s parents decide that it is inappropriate for your child to have contact with the other parent? This makes for a sticky situation, because you may feel as though you are left holding the ball.
How do you explain to your child that their other first parent still loves them but they aren’t interested in being part of their life? Maybe you don’t, maybe you let your child’s parents take care of that difficult explanation. Maybe it isn’t your place to explain what is going on with your former boyfriend or girlfriend. Someday your child may ask you about them and you can tell them age appropriate things. I plan on telling Punkin that his first dad loves him very much and that he is just working on grown up things right now and he gets older I’ll explain more, as his parents see fit. I will always work very closely with his parents on this topic though because I feel that it is their place to decide what Punkin knows and when he knows it.
What happens if your child’s other first parent becomes unsafe to be around? That is a really tough one. Again I think that letting their adoptive parents explain things might be for the best. That way they can control how much your child knows about their other first parent’s life. I believe it always up to the parents to decide what their child knows. That can be a hard thing to accept. It is a part of the control that we give up when we place our children for adoption. It isn’t easy; I’m struggling right now with the whole issue.
Remember, that sometimes we have to let go and allow our children’s parents do what they think is right. We just don’t have control over some situations. I do think that it is important that when we do speak of our children’s other first parent that we do so in an age appropriate manner and as truthfully as possible. Don’t spin tales, they will come back to get you in the end.