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D and I are planning an upcoming visit which got me thinking about how other open adoption families handle the issues surrounding visits. As happy as they may be, they are not always easy. So, I googled. And I found absolutely no resources for birth parents or adoptive parents seeking information on what to do during a visit and how to handle the emotional challenges, for ALL sides of the triad, during a visit. All I found were agencies, touting their ability to give couples a child and mothers open adoptions. Sigh!
And so, as per usual when I find a topic that isn’t covered by mainstream internet information, I’m going to trailblaze my own way through some visiting advice. First, however, I would like your help. You. The reader! If I’ve learned anything over the past four months, it’s that my readers and fellow bloggers have a plethora of information to share with the world… and me!
If you have a question pertaining to an aspect of open adoption visits, please e-mail me at firstparentblogger@adoptionmail.com. (Or feel free to leave a comment.) If you have a great idea for something to “DO” during a visit, e-mail or comment. If you have a great idea for something NOT to do during a visit, e-mail or comment. If you have some special guidelines that your family follows through with during visits, e-mail or comment. For “special” visits such as birthdays, weddings and any other “big events,” if you have a story of beauty or warning that you think might help others, contact me and we’ll get working on it!
I’ll start writing the series tomorrow. (I also need to bring my own visits up to date here on adoptionblogs. I’ve only written about the first and second/third visits! OOPS!) I think, with the traveling months of spring and summer quickly approaching, visiting would be a great topic to visit throughout the month of March. So feel free to comment or e-mail throughout this month and I’ll attempt to cover the topics involved with visitation in open adoption before March goes out like a lamb. (Because it sure came in like a Lion over here! Wow.)
Thanks, again, for all of your input and help!
If you comment on post with an account that doesn’t have a legitimate e-mail address, I’ll delete it and consider it spam. Thank you.
Jenna – comment with legitimate e-mail =) slavender19@gmail.com – my hotmail isn’t working for some reason..
I can list our visits -
Resturants (can be difficult being that my son’s Birthmother has a 2yr old and waiting for food isn’t so easy for her at this stage)
Sometimes I meet with her just the two of us for lunch, shopping, taking pics…ect – the time spent with her is awesome as she is 1 of my best friends – I feel that this makes the family visits easier as well.
Other than that we have gone to the Zoo, Parks to play, had BBQ’s’, mall playlands, and we got her/her daughter an over night stay in a water park hotel before Christmas.
One great tip is to bring your cameras both sets of parents – and video cameras after getting the ok from each side (not everyone likes to be on video) these are great ways to preserve a memorie for our children should contact ever change.
A few times my sons biograndmother has attended this makes things a little strange. Just because my son’s Birthmom acts differently when her Mom is around.
Our first visits out in public met with some awkward moments – when people would see my son and say how old is he and who is the proud Mommy (being that his Birthmom is a tiny thing and looked so much like me at the time) She felt very free with out situation and would blurt it out – or maybe she felt she had to. I am not sure – this left people looking at us all through dinner, I told her they are only looking because she’s so beautiful and they are jealous…
The other thing is on another visit she felt strange as if people were looking at all of us and knew out situation – as if they were judging her.. I assured her that no one could know our story but us, that others look on at two youn mothers with out children – and think wow they look good haha. I am big on making laughs. By now things seem to be much more comforatble as we are settled in as his parents and she is his special lady. A great respect and bond is forming – but at first maybe avoid really public places because it’s only natural for people to ask quesions about little babies – which can leave both sides not knowing what to say.
Our future visits will be at the beach this summer, and trying to take a few trips one day Disney when my son is old enough to enjoy it.
Bla Bla maybe this is too much info anyway hope it helps give some ideas.. TAKE LOTS OF PICS -YOU NEVER KNOW IF/WHEN THINGS CAN CHANGE IN LIFE!! It is very important for the child to see their time spent with this special loving lady who gave them the life they wanted for them buy couldn’t do on their own.
Laura A