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A friend of mine alerted me to something said by the star of Brooke Knows Best on VH1, Brooke Hogan. Apparently, for an upcoming episode, Brooke is contemplating going back to school which would involve leaving her music career or, at the very least, putting it on hold. The previews for this episode are hitting on this particular sentence.
Giving up my music is like giving away a newborn baby.
Let me assure you, Brooke Hogan, it’s not the same thing. In fact, the two things are so unrelated that it is not even an apples versus oranges comparison. Apples and oranges are both fruit. Giving up your music or giving up a newborn baby would be like comparing apples and the cure for cancer. Unless, of course, the cure for cancer is someday found to be apples and then that comparison is also null and void. In short: there is no comparison.
I get the point she’s trying to make. She’s passionate about music. As someone who was once very passionate about music, I understand how letting go of music can feel. It is hard to let go of your dreams. It can be depressing, heartbreaking and generally awful. But the grief and loss associated with relinquishment are not even on the same chart.
While I wouldn’t exactly count celebrities in the general public, this is just another prime example of how little people think about the grief and loss that birth parents deal with when it comes to placing a child. To say something so flippant about the process of relinquishment is insulting at best. The disrespect shown to birth parents from people all over the world in all sorts of situations is, sadly, no longer alarming. It is more than acceptable to diminish our grief and loss. And I’m kind of tired of it. Aren’t you?
I don’t watch VH1. I wouldn’t have known about this quote if someone wouldn’t have told me. Therefore, I wasn’t sitting in my living room, enjoying some mindless television in my safe place when a quote like this would have side-swiped me. I wonder how many birth parents happened to hear this particular line while otherwise minding their own business. I wonder how it made them feel.
Did you hear this on the previews? How did it make you feel? How did it make you feel even reading it here?
I think I might have to disagree with you on this one. I mean, of course, I don’t like people flippantly comparing things to losing a child to adoption.
But I also, don’t like the “my pain is greater than yours” war in any circumstance. I don’t know this Brooke person, so I can’t speak from her, but I can speak for myself, and for others I have known.
Someone’s purpose, buried deep down within their soul, can be the very essence of who they are. I know that my purpose (which took my 30 years to figure out) is the very core of my being. Affecting everything I do, say, feel and think. I am not complete if I am not working towards my purpose. I know many people in creative arts that are much the same.
If I had to choose to walk away from my purpose for any reason, it is liking away from, well, MYSELF. It is leaving a part of me behind. Not being my total self. Not being authentic. Not being whole. Leaving Nicole was the same. Her loss leaves me not whole. Not being who I am would make me not whole.
Both would affect me for as long as the separation existed. Both would make me terribly depressed.
I don’t know this Brooke person and I don’t think anyone can speak as to how deeply she is connected to her music, or how deeply it drives her.
But I honestly think that comparisons on either side just don’t help. To HER it may be like giving up a newborn and I don’t think it’s up to us to decide if that’s the truth of it or not.
Really, we can only speak for ourselves – and for you, the truth is that giving up your newborn was far worse than giving up music.
I get what you’re saying.
But I don’t agree with you. Babies and career won’t ever be equal in my mind. I’m not playing the pain game. I’m talking about putting stuff, be it dreams or money or dreams of money, over children. That’s what bugs me.
Brooke NEEDS an education!
She suggested in one of her first shows
something like that since she is a girl, she doesn’t need to vote cause she doesn’t know anything about it and
doesn’t like politics, so leave it up to the men that know what they are doing.
Ignorant people say ignorant things.
Don’t get me wrong, my son and i enjoy her show. Nice as they can be, some people are just dumb LOL
I’m just saying that you or I cannot define what music is to her. Maybe to you it is just a “career” or a “way to make music”. But it’s as unfair for you to project how you feel about music on her as it is for anyone else to project their opinion on you.
Just as much as there are people who can surrender their child to adoption and it has less of an affect on them as it does you or I. Again, it is unfair for us to project on them.
She’s stating how SHE feels about HER choices. It’s not our place to tell her she’s wrong.
You’d be outraged if someone did that to you.
I offered example to you of how my purpose in my life is much more than a career, but of essence, a part of who I am. You may feel differently about your purpose, but you cannot define to me how I should or should not feel about mine. If I had to chose to abandon my purpose, it would be like losing a child, losing Nicole all over again.
Would you tell me that was untrue for me to say? Or that I was wrong for saying it?
I’m just saying that you or I cannot define what music is to her. Maybe to you it is just a “career” or a “way to make music”. But it’s as unfair for you to project how you feel about music on her as it is for anyone else to project their opinion on you.
Just as much as there are people who can surrender their child to adoption and it has less of an affect on them as it does you or I. Again, it is unfair for us to project on them.
She’s stating how SHE feels about HER choices. It’s not our place to tell her she’s wrong.
You’d be outraged if someone did that to you.
I offered example to you of how my purpose in my life is much more than a career, but of essence, a part of who I am. You may feel differently about your purpose, but you cannot define to me how I should or should not feel about mine. If I had to chose to abandon my purpose, it would be like losing a child, losing Nicole all over again.
Would you tell me that was untrue for me to say? Or that I was wrong for saying it?
Geez – double posted – sorry. Just for the record, my writing here is reading s snarky, but please know it’s not intended that way.
I’m just struggling myself right now with having to postpone my purpose and it cuts t the core. And it has nothing to do with dreams or money, but the pure need to do what God has created me to do. So, for me, I can understand the statement she made.
My job is everything to me, in fact it has helped me heal the wounds adoption has left all over my heart and soul.
BUT, leaving my job would certainly not even compare to the pain of placing my child.
I work in a field that gets into every fiber of your being. I was just sitting here thinking I need to call in and check on stuff, even though I am in the middle of my days off. I call during vacations, I drop in on my days off, I give time and money to my job. No, I am not a member of upper level management, I’m not anyone special, I rank just about peon, but I love the kids I work with and they deserve everything that I can give them.
Leaving them though, couldn’t even touch the grief of leaving my son with different people forever and ever.
No, we don’t know how much Brooke loves her music, but to compare something like that to something like placing a child is at best ignorant. I put it into the crass column.
I’m an artist, deep down I know I
couldn’t survive very long with out
spending time with my art endeavors, my purpose.
Over the years I have had to put it
on the back burner or
put it away for a while,
for other work, college,
other peoples dreams, for my kids,
for all sorts of reasons.
But I can always pick it back up at
some point.
I can always squeeze in a little time
if i really want to.
I may not have the time for it as my
living, but I can do it for myself and
those I love.
Only in rare cases when you give away
your newborn baby, do you get the
chance to squeeze in a little time,
or pick the baby back up again.
When you finish your education,
if you’ve lost your newborn
it’s gone.
Certainly either loss will be felt
deeply, but the comparison isn’t the
best in my opinion.
How can she compare the two?
Neither have happened to her yet as far as we know.
How would she know what either felt
like, only the thought, or imagination
of what either would feel like would
she be able to truly comprehend.
I can see how it could be a
completely obsurd comparison to
someone that has lost a newborn child.
I can also understand how horribly
painful loosing your purpose forever,
or even for a while, can be too.
“Would you tell me that was untrue for me to say? Or that I was wrong for saying it?”
never monovoir,
your feelings are true to you.
Only you know what you feel like.
I hope you don’t loose your purpose.
For me it is not true and right,
for you it may be.
I hope I am not sounding snarky either,
I just disagree with the comparison.
I do agree that both are a great loss
to be grieved.
Maybe the feeling of loosing a
newborn was the worst pain and loss
she could imagine to best
describe and compare the
pain she may feel if she postpones
her music career for a while.
I wonder if she said it felt like
loosing a limb, if some amputee’s
would be upset with the comparison?
Thank you Brandy for calling me Crass. I am trying to encourage people to be understanding of one another and you feel name calling is acceptable?
Thank you Beth for your more compassionate disagreement. And I agree with you – no matter what comparison she used to describe her own pain, someone would stand up and say “No Fair! No Way!”
I’m glad in the grand realm of things that this isn’t a live or die topic
Not sure why it caught my interest…
So during my visit today I asked my friend that lost one kidney, half his bladder and intestines and a leg in Vietnam his opinion…..
He said her comment is a bit absurd and if she had used the lost limb comparison -
he’d be glad to trade places with Brooke ANY day.
He’s always wanted to be a beautiful blonde anyway. LOL
And that he hopes she works through her
pain and gets an education.
And we all have our painful issues
to deal with,
if we are lucky enough to still be alive, keep moving and improving!
I hope she decides to go to school too
monovair,
I wasn’t calling you crass, I was calling THE COMMENT made by Brooke Hogan crass.