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It’s hard to find support post-placement. Some agencies don’t follow through with care or counseling after relinquishment. In fact, some agencies don’t even offer it. For those birth parents involved in open adoptions, even seeking support on the internet can be somewhat disheartening because of the belief that they “have it easy” or “good” and shouldn’t be complaining. That’s where this new support venue comes into play.
OpenAdoptionSupport is a website that’s been around for a little while but was recently revamped with forums, chat and other ways to link families in open adoption together with support in mind. When I asked Dawn (of This Woman’s Work) why she formed this forum and why people should be using it instead of the other options available, she had a simple answer.
There are challenges in growing an open adoption just like there are challenges in building any new family relationship. The difference with other family relationships is that people will support you in working through the hard times but in an open adoption people just say, “Close the adoption.” So there’s no support. That’s why it’s important that those of us in open adoptions support each other — especially those of us who are newly building these relationships — and that we remind each other that it’s worth it and that our kids deserve it.
So true. We hear about the challenges, left and right, that face both adoptive and birth families when it comes to open adoption. Sometimes birth parents feel as if they are intruding or don’t really know how to properly communicate with their child’s family. Sometimes adoptive parents also feel as if they are intruding. You’ve seen the advice that Dawn quoted above: when the going gets tough, people say to close the adoption. Without support, it seems like the easy answer for birth and adoptive families alike.
In my own experience, open adoption hasn’t always been an easy road. Both sides of the adult triad have made a few mistakes. I’ll admit to making a handful of my own; ones that possibly could have been avoided if others had been available for contact prior to my action or opening my mouth to speak. So, what’s a family in open adoption to do when there is so much anti-openness rhetoric floating around the web and real life?
Dawn hopes that OpenAdoptionSupport will offer that extra little ounce of support that will help families get through some of those hard times and rough spots. It’s basically a social networking site with a bunch of nifty little tools. In today’s technology age, we like nifty tools. For those who don’t understand “social networking” or “nifty tools,” it’s simply a way to connect with other families who may have similar experiences or helpful advice to pass on.
I encourage birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees who are involved in open adoption to check out the site, join and contribute your stories, your advice, your experiences and your questions. While it’s new, a site is only what you make of it. Getting involved in something, from, say, the ground up, can only help others in the future. You know we like getting involved around these parts!
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For more reading on Open Adoptions, check out:
1. How to Succeed in an Open Adoption by Jan Baker.
2. Open Adoption: Easier or Better? by Jan Baker.
3. New Study on Increase in Openness by Jenna Hatfield.
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Picture Credit.
