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I’ve been asked to spearhead a new group in our church for mothers. While I know that this will be good not only for myself but for local mothers, I am wary of walking this path. Knowing how other groups have worked, I have no doubt that people with whom I am not particularly close will show up in my house. With Munchkin’s picture displayed prominently on our living room wall of family pictures, the question will come up.
Who is that? Why is she on your wall with you?
While some have said that I don’t have to answer the question if I don’t feel close enough to them, I disagree. To lie when asked a direct question means that I am ashamed of my daughter. I am not. I am proud of my daughter. I am proud of the work we have done as two families, separately but together, working in the best interest of the Munchkin. I’m proud of the work I have done in the world of adoption reform and how I continue to speak out about necessary reforms. To lie or beg off the question is to return to the decades of silence, secrets and shame. I won’t participate in such negativity.
But that means I have to answer the question. And that doesn’t seem like a fun idea either.
When it comes down to it, I’ll answer the question as simply and honestly as possible. It usually goes something along the lines, “That’s the daughter I placed for adoption when she was born. We have a fully open adoption. Isn’t she beautiful? Would you like some tea?” You know, a nice subject change thrown in for good measure. I’m nothing if not good at changing subjects at the drop of a hat. As my husband. (See?)
I write because I’m nervous, of course. Being the “leader” of a new group, I would rather be respected than judged. Experiences like these, however, are not going to stop happening in my life. As my children continue to be involved in sports and other activities, more and more people will enter my home. Some will ask. Others won’t ask.
But I’ll never lie. That’s not who I am. It’s not who I want my daughter to think that I am.
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Photo Credit: Jenna Hatfield.
