November 1st, 2006
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Pouting Today... but Just TodayI’m not going to talk politics. I’m simply going to talk about how I am left out of National Adoption Month and the Presidential Proclamation every single year. I understand, at the core, that this month isn’t about me. It’s about the children who are waiting to be adopted, who need to be adopted. It’s about recognizing the need for adoptive parents. It’s about celebrating families.

But with that last sentence, I am always left out even though I am part of the Munchkin’s family.

Let’s look at Bush’s Proclamation this year and at one key paragraph that, once again, left me crying into my hot tea, just like every other year:


As we observe National Adoption Month, we recognize the many caring families who have made a difference in a child’s life through adoption. By giving these children the love, guidance, and support they need to grow, adoptive and foster families play a vital role in helping the next generation of Americans achieve their dreams.

I want to cuss. Honestly. I want to drop big cuss words but, remember, this is a family blog and I’m a family lady and cussing is simply not appropriate in this circumstance. But keep in mind that I WANT to cuss right now.

I have made a difference in my daughter’s life. Not simply by placing her with J & D, though that is true. I am involved in her life as much as I can be because we, as a family, have decided that is what is best for her as a Munchkin. I consistently and constantly put aside my own tumultuous emotions which are often hard for me to comprehend simply so I can be available to her whenever she needs me. I want to be there to answer her questions. I want to be there to support her in this lifetime. Nope, I don’t parent her on a daily basis. But I have and will continue to make a difference in her life.

It hurts me, on some level which is hard to explain to those who haven’t placed a child, to be left out of this proclamation every single year. It feels like a big slap in the face. “Oh, I’m sorry. You mean nothing in your child’s life and therefore do not need to be recognized on a month that celebrates every other person in the adoption triad.”

Okay, my selfish, whiny moment is over. I know that birthparents are never going to be recognized by this President and it’s highly unlikely that they will be recognized in the future. For the rest of the month, I will continue to raise awareness and lift up those children lost within our system that need to find permanent, forever homes. They are the ones who truly matter this month.

But my feelings are still hurt. And I’m gonna pout today.

9 Responses to “National Adoption Month Makes Me Pout Every Year”

  1. Coley S. says:

    I totally feel ya on that one!

  2. mxf0068 says:

    If I’m out of line, please forgive me. Your post is an elequent and passionate plea for recognition. Why don’t you send it to Pres. Bush. You have a way with words that so pervasive. You express your feelings without alienating people with vehemence. Perhaps after hearing from you, someone will realise the need to recognize birthparents everywhere. You have the ability to affect a change of attitude in your audience. Maybe you can just expand your audience.

    anyway my two cents

  3. Cyndi says:

    Hi Jenna,

    Thank you for your post – I hope members of every part of the TRIAD read it and I hope we see the change happen in our lifetime – for everyone involved. I know my thinking has changed because of meeting and hearing all members of the TRIAD – we all need to be included – for the health and well-being of our children.

    Big cyber-hug to you today.

    Take care,

  4. Coley; hugs to you today.

    M; I sent a letter two years ago. Actually, I sent the same letter over and over for about two weeks two years ago. It did no good. :( But thanks for the support! I’ll just whine every year on the first day of November and hope that someone, someday, hears me.

    Cyndi; Thanks for your words as well. :) We’re all members of this triad. :)

  5. marymartha says:

    I sent an email after I read this. Adoption can be a wonderful thing but it would NEVER BE POSSIBLE if women didn’t make the most painful choice possible for the sake of their children. They deserve the most recogination out of the triad. They are the ones who gave the most, and suffered the most.

  6. JudyK says:

    Maybe if enough people appeal, or if a national organization or publication wrote AS an organization, would that help?

    After all, adoption in most forms wouldn’t even be possible without firstparents. They really shouldn’t be ignored during an Adoption Awareness Month, for goodness sakes!

  7. MommyLis2001 says:

    Quite true. I’m sure most of it stems from ignorance. Good gravy…when I think of how many people I have offended (and continue to offend) just from my lack of perspective, it’s easy to see how this official statement (written by who knows who) was written as it was. Birthparents deserve acknowledgement and respect and *I* for one do all that I can do in my Happy Little World to communicate that.

  8. Ruth Windsor says:

    I’m picking up JudyK’s point…if birthmoms didn’t give birth, in many cases there would be no adoption to celebrate.

  9. rsm2004 says:

    I see what you are saying Jenna, and all of the other respondents.You have a very valid point, but no one in the current administration will hear you…
    Just look at the kind of administration Bush heads: Anti-abortion and Pro-life yes…but they don’t give a flying you-know- what , once a woman has her baby, does not know how to make ends meet and has to struggle with in a birthparent’s case a most heart wrenching decision.The current administration’s party line is to condemn abortion ( I am not saying that abortion is the solution!! Please don’t get me wrong– I’m trying to illustrate a point)and they feel it is their moral obligation to safeguard the live of any unborn children in general by legally trying to impede a woman’s CHOICE about what to do with the life growing inside of HER.
    But when it comes to taking care of and validating these mothers who either decided to raise their children or to carry their babies and than find a different home for them : they do not care nearly as much….
    I’m an adoptive parent and I love my child, but I’m not some sort of hero for adopting! Adoption in the most cynical way is the solution to three very infortunte problems. Birthparents who need to find a family for their child, adoptive parents who in many cases(not all–there are always exceptions) will not be able to have a family if not for adoption and a child who has no voice in the process what-so-ever but is the focal point of it all,and who’s health,happiness and sanity we all have to saveguard.
    It all comes down to economic and politics. There is no reason why in this affluent, prosperous country there are upwards of 10 million children who live in abject poverty, there are upwards of 46 million people without health insurance and there are so many birthparents forces by their economic and social conditions to find alternate solutions for the children they give life to.

    Ok…I’ll get of my high horse now!
    Good luck..I feel for you.

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