While I’ve had many more positive blogging experiences, the negative ones stick out in my memory like a sore, throbbing thumb. It’s the truth about life, isn’t it? We remember those negative experiences with clarity while those that are positive or neutral tend to fade into the background. I don’t tend to dwell anymore, though I used to, but I thought I’d share a few to show that I’m not exempt from negative experiences as a blogging birth parent.
Truth be told, the constant talk of adoption gets to me at times. I have had to take a step back from the adoption blogging world more than once in order to regain some semblance of sanity. It has been difficult to make adoption a part of my daily life. That is not to be misunderstood with my daughter as my daughter is a welcome part of my daily life. However, there are some days that I would like to put my grief and loss on a shelf and not deal with them in the public eye for people to judge and poke. But I’ve been realistic and have, at times, stepped away from adoption blogging long enough to regain clarity on the subject. I really suggest doing that to anyone who is considering quitting blogging all together. I think the benefits outweigh the negatives but only if you are willing to take occasional breaks and breathers.
The trolls find me now and again. Just like every blogger out there, not just birth parents. (Trust me. Birth parents aren’t the only ones with trolls. If you have an opinion, even as simple as “blue is better than green,” you will find yourself with a troll.) In a recent trolling episode, a nasty commenter told me that I wasn’t being a good mother to my parented children nor a good wife to my Husband because I was dealing with my grief and loss. While I was initially angry at this exchange, my Husband pointed out the fact that by actively dealing with my grief and my loss, I am doing right by my family. (My Husband is smart, no?) If you find yourself with a troll, step back for a second and either try to find the humor in the situation or a way to ignore the silliness. And don’t forget about the delete button. It’s there for a reason.
My blogging experience has changed a bit over the years. I have changed how much I share about any of my children. While I do share pictures, they are not linked to other pictures. I am careful sharing locations and specifics. I do this not out of a sense of obligation but because I just would want the same done for my children if roles were reversed. I do share a lot of information because my words and my experiences ARE mine to share. I won’t stop sharing, that’s for sure.
I get frustrated when people forget that I’m not just a birth parent. I’m so many other things. And I think that’s the main reason why I have continued to keep a personal family blog and a personal adoption blog. They are separate but necessary. I’ve seen parents who have blogged about adoption on their personal sites and their personal lives are frequently ignored. It’s as if they are just an (title of triad position here) parent or adoptee instead of a person with varying interests. It’s hard to find that balance and to make readers see the various aspects of your life. It’s a fight every blogger fights, I think.
My recent trolling experience also brought about accusations of being all and only angry. The reader neglected to read a few posts before where I gushed about how awesome my daughter was or the month before when I talked about how blessed I am to have such a great family. People forget to look at the whole picture and to recognize that healing isn’t a linear function. I have been discouraged as of late to watch myself deal with some hard issues all over again but it has been simultaneously encouraging to see that I overcame those issues before and I will again.
I love blogging and I love blogging about adoption. But the negative aspects of publicly sharing my adoption story are real. I’d be wrong not to share some of those things with those who were considering blogging about adoption. Just remember to keep it all in perspective and you will be fine.
On Monday, I’m going to offer you a challenge! Tune in!
For more on bloggers and blogging, read these posts.