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Unless you’ve been living under a rock (like I was yesterday evening), you have heard that Britney Spears has lost custody of her two children to Kevin Federline (the kids’ dad). She was ordered by the judge to have them handed over by noon on Wednesday but the kids have already been given to the Federline camp. After the turn over, Spears apparently went tanning and finally applied for her California drivers’ license. While the records are sealed, one site is saying they know all the reasons behind the judge’s decision.
Quite frankly, I don’t care about the reasons. I’m not going to lambaste Spears for things she did or did not do. First and foremost, in the judge’s opinion, the kids are safer with Federline and that’s where they currently are being cared for so, any worries there are calmed. No, my mind and heart are actually with the young Mama this morning.
I should probably add a disclaimer before I speak: I don’t believe in alcohol or drug use around children. There. Now we can move on.
No matter the eventual reasons for the decision, I would venture to guess that Spears is feeling pretty low this morning. She’s just been told that she’s not good enough to parent her child. Her children have been taken from her care. And, to boot, the entire world is watching, writing, taking pictures, speculating and generally waiting for more shoes to drop. At least when society at large made me feel as though I wasn’t a good enough mother to parent my daughter, the entire nation wasn’t hanging by a thread to dissect my every move.
Can you imagine having to put on a brave face for the cameras?
Of course, her grief is not yet and probably won’t be final. I’m pretty sure that someone like Spears won’t find her rights terminated by the court. Even if it starts to head down that pathway, I would venture to guess that she would attempt to get her act together and follow court ordered suggestions. Eventually, there will most likely be a legitimate reunion with some form of partial custody.
But right now? In the early morning hours following the first night in which she has been literally deemed unfit, Spears is most likely going through some tough emotions. While she may have brought some (or all) of this on herself, she’s still a Mama without her babies this morning. For all the dissing I’ve done on the girl since she got pregnant with her first (which was when I was pregnant with Nicholas), my heart goes out to her this morning.
I’m sure she is feeling regret for everything she did and everything she didn’t do. I’m sure she’s berating herself for poor decisions. I’m sure she’s questioning her own worth as a mother. I’m sure she’s going over things in her mind, again and again. I’m sure she’s hoping, praying, wishing on a star that this is solved quickly. No mother, even a young, partying, hip one who might think the “scene” is cooler than motherhood at times, wants to be told that they aren’t good for their children.
No, she probably won’t join the ranks of birth mothers everywhere. But this morning, she’s having a rare glimpse into the loss that we experience. There will be some that say, “Well, it’s her own darn fault!” Yes, well, it’s been said that way about mothers who placed voluntarily, that weren’t accused of drug use or neglect, because it was our “own fault” for “getting knocked up anyway.” Today, her pain isn’t about the semantic arguments over whether one way of becoming a birth mother is more admirable than another. Today, a mother is hurting. I know, in my own way, that hurt, that pain.
Hopefully, Spears will take this as her huge gong of a wakeup call and get her act together. If she doesn’t, of course, my empathy will dissipate but, at least for today, she has my compassion. Waking up without your children, knowing that something has gone terribly wrong, isn’t an easy thing to deal with, no matter what caused it. Here’s hoping she uses this experience for the good.
As a note: Your opinion may differ. That’s fine and dandy. If you want to leave scathing remarks about Spears, that’s your own negativity to deal with later. However, any personal attacks on me will be deleted and reported to our managing editor. Have a nice day!
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For more, read:
2. Angelina a Stay At Home Mom?
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Photo Credit.
You have a good heart Jenna.
I think Britney does really care about the kids. And I think she wanted them removed, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Or she could not acknowledge the personal reality of her drug/alcohol addiction.
Britney’s story is seen over-and-over in why children are placed in foster care. The adult denies their problem and loves their kids.
I was a front row witness to a very similar story. My neighbors had a daughter who was a meth addict. Much of the situation was played out in the front yard.
And I do wonder about the media stirring things up. They reported every movement of the “poptart”. Yet Kiefer Sutherland who was arrested for the 4th time on DUI… I didn’t read news stories about him.
A Y-chromosome pass for Sutherland?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21079809/
I feel rather bad for her.
She’s so young, and folks diss her so much.
I hope she does get her act together too and straightens up her life.
I feel bad for Britney, honestly I do.
It seems this young woman is an addict, and surrounded with people who are keeping her in that place, like most addicts are.
And if she deserved to lose her children or not, I have no doubt she loves her children.
Perhaps the demons of addiction are stronger than her willingness to get herself together for her children right now.
I truly hope that she can take this time and change the course of her life and become a great mother to her children. I hope the loss of them, even for this short period makes her value her health and see how important that is to her children.
I feel bad for the children…really bad.
She didn’t even show up for court today to fight for her kids. Have a big heart for those who lose their kids, sure…but don’t lump yourselves in with someone who won’t even show up. Don’t drag yourselves down by equating your feelings with what you assume hers must be.
Jenny; You’re also assuming that she wasn’t in court because she didn’t care. That’s assumed of me on a regular basis because I placed my child for adoption. It’s off base but still assumed. Assume all you want, I’m still going to have a bit of compassion during what must be a difficult time. It’s just who I am.
Why do you want to compare your feelings at relinquishment with those of a drug-addicted, child-neglecting girl who voluntarily turned over her kids 2 days earlier than required, spent the next 2 days partying, and then did not show up for court? Her own lawyer made a statement that he begged her to show up but “she wouldn’t.”
You are a firstmother that so many, many people respect, look up to and listen to – myself included. But I think you are off-base on this one. You can have compassion, and write about that compassion, without making direct comparisons between what you felt and what you think she must be feeling – and I ask you, how can you be sure of the things you wrote below? Her actions have given you no basis on which to form these statements…
“I’m sure she is feeling regret for everything she did and everything she didn’t do. I’m sure she’s berating herself for poor decisions. I’m sure she’s questioning her own worth as a mother. I’m sure she’s going over things in her mind, again and again. I’m sure she’s hoping, praying, wishing on a star that this is solved quickly. No mother, even a young, partying, hip one who might think the “scene” is cooler than motherhood at times, wants to be told that they aren’t good for their children.”
Why do you want to compare your feelings at relinquishment with those of a drug-addicted, child-neglecting girl who voluntarily turned over her kids 2 days earlier than required, spent the next 2 days partying, and then did not show up for court?
Why? Because I think all humans have feelings and deserve a little compassion. That’s just who I am. Sorry you don’t like it. I like who I am.
Have a nice day!
Edited to add: I’m not sure why my compassion for one human being would affect how others see or respect me. I didn’t say all should feel this way. I was writing how I feel. The only time I used the collective word you in the post was to ask readers to imagine what it felt like to put on a brave face for cameras. Perhaps I should have said that I couldn’t imagine doing it. Apologies for taking my words out of the personal.
Now, let’s move on from discussing why I should or shouldn’t feel empathy. I do. That’s that. You don’t. That’s that. Let’s not attack me because of differences in opinion. 
She could be depressed and that’s how she could deal with it…
I still feel bad for her.
She’s just a cub after all. It’s rather unfair to attack her when the rest of the world is doing that too…
Hopefully she will go on the right path.
Okay whoa…I’m sorry you feel I’ve attacked you because that was not my intention in asking these questions. Nowhere did I say or infer that I did not like your compassion. I’ll bow out now, since it seems like maybe those who would challenge or disagree are not as welcome to comment.
Calling my respect from others into question based on one post is an attack. However, if you read, I say you can say whatever you want about Britney, just nothing about me, personally. And you took it there which wasn’t very cool. All the same, I allowed your comments to stand, though I said in the post I would delete personal attacks, because I think it shows a lot about how people view things differently and how that’s simply okay. Your personal attack phased me a little but when it comes down to it, if people want to judge me for having compassion, well, I can think of harsher ways to be judged. Can’t you? So thanks!
An interesting article spin on it: if Tatum O’Neal can clean herself up, Britney can as well.
http://www.parentdish.com/2007/10/05/tatum-oneal-reaches-out-to-britney/