I received a comment that needs its own post to sufficiently address the issue at hand. No, it's not negative! In fact, it's a very good question and I have a very heart-felt answer.

I believe you eluded to this in an earlier comment, but I'd sure like to hear your thoughts on the phrase "gave up" - surely I'm not the only Birthmother who cringes when I hear those words???

I, personally, do not use the phrase "I gave up my child." Others can. That's fine. I don't. And here's why.

Actually, for awhile, I didn't particularly know why I didn't use the phrase. For awhile I thought it was because saying so was not particularly "politically correct." Others found it offensive and, goodness, offending anyone by having a difference of opinion is the worst thing in the world! (Yes, a smidge of sarcasm there.)

As I thought about it more and more, I found that I just didn't like the idea. Yes, it is true. I signed a piece of paper that removed all legal rights to my child. That's about it in the grand scheme of my heart.

Signing that paper didn't take away my stretch marks. They are forever lining my body with the fact that a Munchkin once grew inside of my womb, my heart. Signing the paper didn't magically remove the memory of pregnancy, labor and delivery like the magic mind eraser from the movie "Men in Black." Signing the paper didn't somehow fill the empty hole in my heart. It didn't remove the love. It didn't stop the love. Signing that paper didn't stop me from having hopes and dreams for the Munchkin. Signing that paper didn't remove me from her past. I may have signed away my rights but I never gave up on my child.

In this article on adoption.com, written by adoptionblog's Laura Christianson, another birthmother says it a bit more eloquently:

"Placed," corrected Jen. "I placed my child for adoption. I did not give him up. No birth mother ever gives up thinking about her child or gives up loving him. His birth father and I made a plan for him and we placed him with loving parents."

That's exactly how I feel. (Though I do admit that others may feel differently.) I'm not the only one who cringes at the statement, usually made in a tone laden with judgement, "How could anyone just give up their child?" It makes me sound uncaring, unloving and unable to care for the child that I placed. False, false and, surprisingly to most, false. I cared so much for my child that I put her needs before my own. I was so loving that I denied myself happiness so that she could have more. And, more over, I was never an uncapable or unfit parent. I was just offered no physical or emotional support. I was told that I couldn't do it when I was more than capable. I believed I was doing the right thing for my child given the information I had at the time.

The end of the article gives even more insight on how to help the general public learn what language is oudated:

Instead of propagating the use of these outdated and hurtful cliches, those of us touched by adoption can make a positive impact. That may mean retraining our own minds and hearts, as we carefully choose the words with which we describe adoption. We can gently correct and educate our family, friends and co-workers. As we become more deliberate about our word choices, we'll discover that respectful adoption language will begin to feel as natural as the cliches once did.

My daughter will always be with me and I, with her.