I've written about making friends with other birthmoms online. And how it feels to get your feelings hurt via the internet. Now it's time to talk on one of the most valuable resources available to us thanks to the wonders of technology: other members of the triad. I'll talk about befriending adoptive parents first.

Shortly after I placed the Munchkin, I was intimidated by the adoptive parent presence on the internet. This was before the big blogging craze. Firstmoms were not speaking out in large masses. We were still a widely unheard from group and, often times, those of us who dared to speak up were written off as angry, bitter or just plain old crazy. I forged ahead, reading all I could on the forums and in other online groups.

I knew I had a lot to learn. The circumstances surrounding my pregnancy didn't afford me a lot of extra time to research the entire world of adoption while still pregnant. I spent most of my time in bed or on the couch: doctor's orders. Once I started reading, I was mostly saddened to read how we, as birthmothers, were perceived by adoptive parents.

Yet, it didn't keep me from sharing my story. I kept talking. I kept pushing people to look past stereotypes. As you can imagine, I kept making some enemies. But along the way, friendships began to pop up here and there. Mostly these friendships were with women, Mothers. Not that I'm a man-hater. No! I just tend to be even more shy when it comes to talking to the male gender.

There are some things that I have learned from these friendships. I'll share them here.

1. No two adoptive parents are the same. And that goes for parents who are married to each other and live in the same household! Each will view adoption in their own unique way, clouded by personal experience and personal bias. This is okay. This is actually mostly good! Diversity in thought can help us understand our own beliefs on a deeper level.

2. Adoptive parents have a wealth of information to share with birthfamilies. I'm not talking about what J & D can share with me about the Munchkin. I'm talking about what adoptive families have been through, good and bad. I'm talking about their own insecurities and how they play off of my own. I'm talking about their supreme joy in parenthood and how we could learn a lot from that unconditional love.

3. Speaking of, adoptive parents, like birthparents, do have their own insecurities. If we can lower our guard, it may help them to lower their guard, and we may be able to learn a lot from each other. Insecurities are a fact of life. It's what we do with them and how we learn from them that really matter.

4. Adoptive parents are humans. Like you. Like me. They enjoy a myriad of life adventures. They have fears. They screw up and say dumb things. Just like me! They want happiness for their children. They need time off from stressful situations and topics. Just like all of us. They are real, live human beings who deserve our respect.

Communicating with another member of the triad is not always easy. Sometimes things can get heated. As long as you remember that, even if the two of you have somehow been through very similar life experiences, your feelings and reactions to those events are uniquely your own. You can't expect the other side to fully understand your point of view, nor can you totally get in line with everything that they have experienced. And that's okay. We don't expect our day-to-day, real-life friends to have experienced everything that we have and understand it on the same level that we do.

Just the same, we shouldn't hold our adoptive parent friends to a higher level than those friends. Remember, they're human. Just like your best friend.

Next, I'll talk about one of my favorite adoptive Moms and the day that we met. I know you're excited. I AM!