Love Thursday: Unconditional Love

I’m always worried that the Munchkin will think that I placed her for adoption because of a lack of love. If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you know that simply isn’t the case. My love for her knows no bounds. I hope that it something I able to appropriately convey through both word and action over the years. Beyond that love, I hope she is also able to understand that my love is unconditional.

She can tell me she hates me and I’ll still love her. (I honestly can’t count the number of times I told my own mother that I hated her over the years.) She can tell me that she thinks the reasons I placed her for adoption are stupid or unjustified and I’ll still love her. She can be mad at me for failing her in some way, such as missing a birthday party or not being present when she thinks I should be, and I’ll still love her. She can think that I’m being unfair when I won’t let her do things her mother has already forbidden (what kid doesn’t do this?) and I’ll still love her. She can call me mean, nasty or boring and I’ll still love her. Point is: I love this kid, no matter what the circumstances of our situation may turn out to be as the years pass.

I’ve had minor experiences with her anger or dislike over the years. While it’s imperative for readers to understand that our open adoption does have boundaries and we do not exist in a co-parenting fashion, I have had to tell the Munchkin “no” from time to time. Her Mom has given me permission to do so in varying situations. During a recent visit, one of these moments occurred while D was in the shower, both younger boys were napping and the Munchkin and I were playing in the living room. I cannot remember exactly what she wanted to do but for whatever reason my answer was “no.” Well, break my heart, if she didn’t look at me with the tears shown in the picture above. (Yes, I’m that Mom who takes pictures of tantrums, sad faces and just generally anything.) As big old alligator tears fell down her cheeks and she looked at me as if I was the most awful person on the planet, or at least in the room with her, I caught a glimpse of things that could come in our future.

I don’t predict that it will always be smooth sailing in our adoption. We’ve already hit rough waters over a few issues but that was just between the adults in the relationship. As she grows and matures into her very own person, she will have her very own opinions, questions and desires as to what the relationship can or should entail. Respecting those boundaries that she will no doubt set may not always be something that I find particularly easy. However, part of my responsibility to her is to respect those boundaries which, I hope she will understand, is just another way of showing her that unconditional love. She can tell me not to call, write or visit and I will respect it… but I will never, ever stop loving my daughter.

Love is loving your child, unconditionally, even when they don’t like you very much.

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For more Love Thursday, read:

1. Dancing with Attitude.

2. Creating Bonds.

3. When Siblings Act Like Siblings.

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Photo Credit: ©2006 Jenna Hatfield.

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