I realized that in the past when I have discussed searching for a therapist, I left out a possible resource. I apologize to my readers as it is based solely on my experience. I forgot to consider that every birth parent didn't place through an unethical agency and therefore has a great potential resource at their fingertips.

That said: Don't forget to call your agency!

Any ethical agency worth dealing with will have a list of resources for you to utilize in your post-placement healing process. Some agencies even host a group for birth parents that is either a formal therapy (with a counselor/therapist present) or just a group of those who have been through similar circumstances sharing with one another. While the latter doesn't seem to fit the bill of therapy exactly, it can be outstandingly beneficial to realize you are not alone in your thoughts or emotions!

If you are searching for a therapist to help you sort out your grief and loss issues, consider calling your agency whether it's been five months or five years. Again, ethical agencies won't turn you away based on how long it has been since you dealt with them for the adoption. Explain what you are seeking and be honest about where you are in your healing process. If you are uncomfortable with the offers, say so and ask if there are other alternatives. For example, if you do not function well in group settings, be honest and say that a group therapy environment would not be of benefit to you.

I'm going to go back to my cynical self with my negative experience and offer one word of warning: Be wary if their only option is a counselor attached to their agency. Immediately ask for the credentials of said person. Some counselors for agencies are not actually licensed as such and, therefore, are not held to the same confidential standard. (This happened in my experience and everything I said to my "counselor" was told to the adoptive family!) I would put myself out on a limb and tell you to ask if they simply have a list of therapists in your area. Of course, if money is an issue (which, in these economic times, it is for most people!) and your only option is the on-staff counselor, get her confidentiality in writing before you open your mouth and everything should be hunky-dory!

There are agencies out there with great post-placement resources for their placing parents. They do exist. If you were lucky enough to have placed through one, please don't hesitate to utilize their offerings. If you don't know whether or not your agency was truly ethical, give them a call and ask for post-placement counseling resources. You'll learn, rather quickly, whether or not your agency truly cares for birth families.

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For more on therapy, read these posts.




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