When many of my birth mother friends became pregnant as teens in the 60’s, their parents told them that raising a child as a single young mom would ruin their lives. Sometimes young unmarried women in college relinquished babies thinking that raising a child would destroy their dreams. Plus they worried about names that their children might be called.

Some young women today worry that a baby before you are ready might put a serious crimp in their plans. They might be unwilling to parent worried that they might end up stuck on public assistance forever. Others worry about finishing college.

However, the joke of it is, sometimes relinquishing a baby for adoption can take such a heavy hit on your spirit, that none of those goals that seemed so important are accomplished anyway. Even when a birth mother does manage to succeed in educational or career goals after relinquishment, she may realize that she could have done so even had she decided to parent her child.

Some birth mothers feel that relinquishing their babies allowed them to keep their life on track, move on and get on with their lives. Many initially believe that will be the case, but find that missing their child is a burden in itself. Few birth mothers were prepared that the emotional cost of relinquishing their child would be so high.

Do birth mothers succeed after placing a baby for adoption because they were not burdened by parenting their child, or do they accomplish their goals in spite of losing their child to adoption? I imagine that there are mothers who fall into both categories. However, I know far more women who believe that any success in their lives was accomplished not because they relinquished a child to adoption, but in spite of it.

Some birth mothers who choose between completing their education unhampered by raising a child may experience tremendous guilt for that decision later. When and if they realize that they could have parented and finished school, there is sometimes a huge reaction.

Further Reading:

Motherhood and Its Affects on Young Mothers

Teen Pregnancy

Photo by Jan Baker 2007