All week here on the Birth/First Parent blog, I am going to be discussing Mother's Day issues. I will also be discussing the controversy behind Birthmother's Day as a separate day. I will try to keep a balanced look at all of the issues, presenting some of the negative issues as well as some positive stories. I will combine all of these things with some positive things that we, as birth mothers, can do for ourselves during what many find to be a trying emotional time.

But first? I'm going to talk about myself right now, this year.

I'm feeling ambivalent again this year as Mother's Day approaches. A lot has happened in the past year. I have been blessed again by another awesome little boy. I was pregnant at this time last year, just barely coming out of the constantly nauseated state that was my first trimester. I could once again smell eggs, coffee and my husband's deodorant without wanting to vomit. (No, really. His deodorant killed me.) My anxiety, however, was kicked into high gear and I was not functioning well as a mother, birth mother, friend, daughter, wife, blogger or any title that I wore at the time. I look back on that time with a bit of sadness. I lost a lot of time during that battle because I just couldn't force myself to deal with the issues at hand. Thankfully, some work with my therapist helped me get a better handle on my anxiety and I was able to start focusing on the people and things in my life that needed my attention.

It's been a hard year full of quite a few trials both in my everyday mother and my relationship with my daughter and her family. Honestly, I feel pretty good about how I have been handling much of everything, even with a diagnosis of postpartum depression to add to my already overflowing plate. I have managed to continue writing monthly letters to my daughter. It's hard to know what to write every month to someone so young but I have continued to come up with little tidbits to share. I am continuing to be the mother that my boys need me to be even if I need an extra nap now and then just go get through the day.

So why all the ambivalence when I have overcome so much in the past year and still continue to make great strides?

I'm not sure. I don't know what's at the root of this ambivalence though I have some suspicions. In fact, I'll be talking about some general reasons for ambivalence in another post later this week. But if I really dig deep, it's probably a defense mechanism of my own. If I pretend that it doesn't faze me all that much, no one will know that I'm hurting. If I pretend that I don't miss my daughter more on Mother's Day than any other day of the year, it won't hurt as much. Right? And perhaps that's why for the past two years I have approached the day with a flippant attitude, shrugging off any offers to visit for lunch or dinner and choosing instead to stay at home, in my own yard, with my boy(s).

All in all, the day is fast-approaching. If you have anything you'd like to discuss regarding the day or the issues surrounding it, please leave a comment or e-mail me a jennah at adoptionblogs dot com.

//
For more on holidays and birth parents, read these posts.




Photo Credit.