It usually takes me a day to process what I learn in therapy. I usually come home from my wonderful therapist's office feeling overwhelmed with new information, in a good way, of course. Learning how to put a new spin on things or understanding why you think the way that you do can only benefit your healing, even if learning the information makes you squirm in your seat a little bit.

Yesterday we talked about my passions in adoption, crisis pregnancy and the fight against prematurity. All of these issues touch my life personally. I'm a firstmother in an open adoption. I like to educate those who think that birthmothers are wastes of flesh or think that open adoption is evil. I was an early twenty-something woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy with the Munchkin. I like to help women make informed decisions, to offer support and at times, just a shoulder to cry on. We all need shoulders! In regards to prematurity, both of my children attempted early escapes, only kept in by medication and bed rest. I work with the March of Dimes and on my own to spread education on what you can do to be healthy, the signs and warnings of pre-term labor and the task of raising money every year.

My therapist asked about these things, concentrating most on a friend of mine who is current experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. She knows my desire to help, especially when people are close to me. However, she is my therapist and her focus is on my emotional well-being. That's when we began to talk about objectivity and subjectivity.

Let's grab some definitions. For this discussion, the definitions that we are using are:

sub‧jec‧tive  /səbˈdʒɛktɪv/
Pronunciation[suhb-jek-tiv]
–adjective

3. placing excessive emphasis on one's own moods, attitudes, opinions, etc.; unduly egocentric.

ob‧jec‧tive  /əbˈdʒɛktɪv/
Pronunciation[uhb-jek-tiv]
–noun

5. not influenced by personal feelings, interpretations, or prejudice; based on facts; unbiased: an objective opinion.

Now that we understand the words, let's dive into my therapist's lesson for yesterday.

Yes, I have passions. Yes, I thrive off of offering help and education. Yes, it is part of my personal healing process to engage in these kinds of activities. However, I need to be able to distinguish where people's problems end and my issues begin.

For example, my friend who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy found out just after my miscarriage. She is due the day after Rose's due date. It was very hard for me to offer objective advice at first. In fact, I needed to separate myself from her for a little while so that I could get my emotions in check. Now I am able to actively separate my desire to help her accomplish a healthy pregnancy and a successful transition into parenthood from my own sadness regarding the loss of our baby.

It's not always easy to remove your personal feelings, emotions and opinions from situations in which you want to help. Usually we are involved in certain issues (adoption, crisis pregnancies) because we have a personal connection or strong feeling about the topic. As my therapist taught me yesterday, in order to be as successful as possible in helping others, we need to separate ourselves, our emotions and our strong feelings in one direction or another and simply concentrate on the human being who has asked for or needs our help.

A difficult task at times, no doubt! However, I'll be consciously attempting to remove myself from issues when I am offering advice or help to friends or random folks on the web. There's a time and a place for personal story: "This happened to me and this is how I dealt with it." And then there's a time and a place for their story: "Okay, this is where you are, where do you want to be?"

Did I mention that I love my therapist?